Dream On
by Ladyamesindy
Summary: "The past will always be yours." A more detailed look into the backgrounds of Cmdr. Serafina Shepard and Kaidan Alenko; of paths taken, choices made, opportunities missed. This work is heavily influenced by the song "Dream On," by Aerosmith. Rated M for subject matter content just to be safe.
1. The Mirror

_2168, BAaT_

He stood alone, staring blankly in the mirror, wondering just what it was reflecting back in the image. Yesterday, he'd been a normal, sixteen year old boy, sneaking last minute meetings with friends before curfew, managing a few soft spoken if somewhat awkward words for a pretty girl. No one had been more surprised that they'd been returned, nearly as hesitantly but with fervor, than he'd been. The pink that had stained both sets of cheeks was conveniently forgotten with the newness of it all.

But normal was, by definition, out of the ordinary. And for someone like him and the others, 'normal' just wasn't in the cards. From the moment they'd been detected as biotics, their lives had taken a sharp turn to port. BAaT was supposed to have been a place for them to train and study … to learn and control … to become whatever it was his potential would lead him to become ….

Overnight, that had changed. In less than twenty-four hours, he'd not only killed a man but managed to alienate anyone else in the facility who might have even been considered 'friend.'

As he stared at his reflection, he searched each line and crevice that crossed his features. Deeper than before, shockingly stark and defined on such a young face. Even if he ignored the bandage at the corner of his lips for the moment, the cuts there likely the only physical mark he would end up taking away from this experience. The emotional one, hidden deep inside … that would remain a lot longer…

_Monster … _

There had been other words spoken, of course, most in fear and uncertainty, but that one had stuck and held. Along with the sheer look of terror in Rahna's eyes. So charming and gentle and kind … and terrified, first of Commander Vyrnnus, then later of Kaidan, all because he'd come to her defense when the turian had deliberately harmed her.

Sighing, Kaidan's eyes closed, but that only gave the memories a clear canvas upon which to replay. Slow motion … fine tuned detail … every sound, every motion distinct … the buildup of rage and anger in response to Vyrnnus' treatment of Rahna … the near explosion of power as it left him and landed squarely on his target … the sickening crunch of plates and bones as the turian hit the wall on the far side of the room … the blowback of debris from the force used to destroy not only a life, but the room around him, debris flying all over, catching him along the left side of his face ...

Kaidan's eyes snapped open, the harsh sounds of heavy breathing echoing through the small bathroom shocking him back to reality even as the memories of cries and screams of classmates surrounded him. Eyes wide open, pupils blown dark as he relived each and every moment, chest heaving as he recalled the aftermath. _Aftermath …._

The whoosh of the door to the room opening behind him startled the teen enough that he couldn't keep his hand from flaring blue with energy. In the reflection of the glass, as his eyes began to refocus, he spotted the uniform and straightened. _Time to face the music …_

* * *

_2170_

She stood in the small room, arms braced tightly against the sink, terrified that if she let go the world around her would come crashing down around her yet again. More pieces. Shock. Awe. Explosions and terror. Screams. The metallic smell of blood and death. Confusion. Chaos. The stuff of nightmares. The makings of a _living_ nightmare.

Eyes wide, she searched the familiar features of the face before her. Cerulean eyes, long black tresses curling and framing creamy pale skin. Theory had it that there no two were ever exactly alike. She was living proof that theory was wrong. Or, rather, _they_ had been. Until that night. The celebration. Festivities of a successful harvest. Another year past, a new one to begin. Giggles of teenaged girls fussing over who would get to dance with which boy. Voices raised in harmony despite the challenge of who might win his attentions.

_Screams of terror. Shouts of alarm. Harsh orders given in foreign tongues that most did not understand. Panic …._

Tears filled the corners of her eyes, marking a path down her cheek, glistening in its reflection to show the way. No more. Out of five came one. Some called her 'lucky,' she already hated the word with a passion. Luck? There was no such thing! Where was luck when you survived and your family didn't? Where was it when those you cared about most were torn away and killed before your very eyes with one targeted rocket attack at the center of town where those who'd been captured were kept? Where was it when you survived and they didn't? When the young children were taken against their will to become slaves? Luck suggested good things achieved through one's own actions. What had she done but run? That wasn't luck … it was cowardice.

A tear caught along the jaggedly stitched edge beneath her right eye, pausing for a long moment before reluctantly releasing and continuing it's journey. Sniffing, she lifted her arm and absently swiped at the moisture, ignoring the jarring pain as healing flesh was disturbed. How could a physical injury be any more painful than losing her parents? Grandparents? The other half of her whole?

"Kaysey …."

Voice hoarse still from swallowing back her screams, the refusal to allow the enemy to find her for three long days, it almost seemed foreign to her. Reaching out, her fingers met the tips of those belonging to the reflection's, pausing for a long moment as the cool glass bleed into the tips of bruised and bandaged fingers before beginning a journey up her arm and settling in around her shoulders. _Cold. So. Damned. Cold._ Serafina shuddered, a movement that shook her entire frame. Would the cold ever go away? Watching her image echo the movements, she couldn't help but wonder if she would feel warm ever again.

Eyes closing, she sought refuge from the memories, but found only a blank canvas for them to repeat their cycle of continuity.

_Smiles. Laughter. Dancing and singing. The best harvest ever in the colony's short history; an appropriate celebration to recognize the feat._ _ Adults off chatting, exchanging stories from the season, discussing changes over the past year, bragging on their children. Youngsters racing around, outside the circle of dancers, the joy of youth and exuberation clear in every motion. The thrill of finally being accepted as an adult; of being asked to dance by a boy she'd had her eye on that year in school. The simple lives of simple folk, people at one with the land and their surroundings. Explosions and sudden confusion when the unexpected arrives. The sharp, biting edge of panic; screams of confusion, pain and terror as people try to make sense of what is happening around them. The quick thinking and yet desperate actions of one boy, shoving you far enough out of the way that you can break free and run for safety …._

Gasping harshly, her eyes open, the reflection before her returned. Eyes so dark, pupils blown wide, the true color can barely be seen around the edges. _Running away … faster and faster, cursing the shoes your sister made you wear because you're in a DRESS, dammit, you can't wear your work boots with that!_

The sound of a door whooshing open behind her helps ground, gives her an anchor on which to focus. It takes a moment before she can shift the focus of her eyes, though. But when she does, she recognizes a somewhat familiar face. She's known him for all of two days, has both cursed him as a bastard for making her leave her home behind while thanking him profusely for saving her from death. Dark skin, dark eyes, dark hair. He'd been one of the few to arrive; a last, desperate call for help sent by one soul whose name would never be known to history.

She waited patiently for him to speak first. This was his ship, after all. She was but a guest. But before he even opened his mouth, she thinks she can guess his intention. "You are sending me away," she murmured.

He stepped forward, hand rising to rest on her shoulder. She does not shrug it off. "I know a place," he announced quietly, voice warm and smooth as molasses, "where you can heal. A family willing to take you in." He sighed. "A family in need of healing as much as you are," he added as an afterthought.

"Where?" she asked. Inevitable dread is filling her at the thought of leaving Mindoir permanently. This was her home. Now, she had none.

"Earth," he replied. "Friends of mine I trust," he promised.

The sincerity behind his gaze ate away at her refusal. She knew, it was this or some sort of foster care, a system for those with no other options in which she had no desire to become a part. A number. Lost. How much more lost could she be, though, than at this moment? Alone in a galaxy that didn't care if she survived, one way or another, when it came right down to it. No one cared, not really. Had that been so, none of this would have happened. Right? But, would lost be such a bad thing?

She could hear a niggling whisper at the back of her mind, urging her to live. To survive. To become some_ONE_, not a number. A familiar voice, one that had spent many a night after dark, whispering ideas for the future back and forth. One that had sung in harmony with hers from the moment of their shared birth. One that was relying on her to speak for them both from now on ….

Finally, she nodded her agreement. It was time to face the music.


	2. The Past is Gone

_A knife, drawn in anger, waving before him by one who knew well how to wield it. Foreign as it was, a blade was still a blade and could kill just as easily._

_Adrenaline. Self preservation instincts taking over. Skills, though not dormant, still not fully trained. All reacting to a threat; combining into something more than a typical reaction._

_The sickening crunch of plates and bone as they hit the wall behind … the last raspy breath of a man who despite his actions hadn't deserved to die …._

Kaidan awoke with a jolt, breath rasping harshly in the air around him as he gasped, the dream-like memories playing havoc with perception of the present. A quick glance around reminded him he was no longer at Jump Zero. That was long past now. Only the future lay ahead.

But, what future?

The questioning had taken weeks, certainly. When all others were finally released - some to go home to their families on Earth or in the colonies, others to remain for further training - he had been held back. Separated. Not quite incarcerated, but just as effective. One last time, they said. A few more questions. But in the end, he'd been released like the others. Escorted to the exits. Free to go, to determine his fate. Without a glance backwards or hesitation, he'd taken the first ship out of Gagarin Station … and run.

How long had it been now? That was a question that constantly haunted him. The ship had been leaving the system, headed ultimately for the Exodus Cluster. When it had made port at Terra Nova, he'd disembarked, hoping to lose himself in the human colony. To find a way to outrun his past. To find a way forward.

It hadn't worked so far.

Oh, he'd managed to access his banking account back home, the one with the trust fund his grandparents had set up for him years ago that he'd never touched. It wasn't much, but he could milk it out for a while. Long enough, anyway. In the meantime, he'd find ways of supplementing his funds to get him by.

At the same time, he'd also sent word back to his parents alerting them to the fact he was fine (he wasn't, really, but they didn't need to know that) and just needed some time to himself for a while. To think. To forget. The last thing he'd told them was not to worry. Byt the end of that first week, he'd stopped accessing his extranet message box and discontinued his instant messaging accounts just to keep from having to face the daily messages from his mother. His father. Aunts, uncles, cousins. He wasn't going to explain to them things he couldn't even explain to himself.

Blinking back exhaustion now, he scanned his dimly lit surroundings again. There was a chill in the air, he had no coat or sweater. He didn't like it, but he'd been through worse. How long had it been? A couple of years, at least. Life was temporary, he'd discovered that early on. Hold a job until the questions became too much, then leave and find another. He'd managed to stay on Terra Nova for a while, but within a couple of months, he was seeking transport someplace else in the galaxy. He tried to stick to human colonies. Familiarity (of a sort) to help him through the initial adaptation into his new lifestyle, or so he told himself. Short order cook. Errand boy. Runner. Warehouse employee. Overnight stockman. Easy jobs. Ones that didn't require proof of education or experience. Backbreaking work in most cases. Only staying long enough until they approached with the inevitable announcement, "We were unable to verify your references."

Weeks, months, even years had passed. He wasn't the same person he'd been before … though he still wasn't certain of the one he was becoming. The dreams often tried pulling him back in, reminding him of who and what he was. A monster. A murderer. Unworthy. At times, he would look around and see a familiar face in a crowd, one that had looked upon him with interest at first … until he'd tried to protect her. _Monster._ Other times, he'd glance down at his hands and swear he saw red … or blue …. Were his parents to pass him in the crowded streets today, he doubted even they would recognize him. Where he used to take care of his appearance (insomuch as any teenage boy would), he now ignored it. What was the point? His hair was reaching what otherwise would be considered intolerable lengths, unwieldy without the care it used to receive. Facial hair - scrub, he called it - darkening his chin more often than not these days. Old clothes that fit poorly. A frame that was underweight, though still maintained musculature. He might be working odd jobs, but often they were heavy, manual labor type occupations.

But it was his eyes that often told the story. Or, at least hinted that a story was lying within, even if he was reluctant to discuss it. The past was gone. Why bring it up again? Still, his prospects of a future weren't so bright ….

Shortly after arriving on Elysium, he heard about Mindoir. It only served to reinforce his idea of working only for humans, at human sponsored jobs. Especially given his past. It wasn't that he was leaning towards anti-alien sentiment as it was just … easier. Working with and for humans, less chance of him being associated with aliens and therefore less chance of the connection to Vyrnnus being made. Right?

"Randall."

Kaidan turned, ignoring the use of the unfamiliar alias and instead eyeing his boss as the man approached. Older, certainly no-nonsense, Kaidan had found him to be rather reasonable to work with over these past few weeks. But the minute their eyes met, Kaidan recognized 'the look.' It was one he was becoming all too familiar with. Sighing, he set the frying pan aside and reached for a towel to dry his hands. So much for being a dishwasher in this dive. He'd hope to squeeze another couple of weeks out of it, but apparently that wasn't to be. "Yes, sir."

There was an awkward moment of silence and Kaidan understood that the man was having difficulty letting him go. "Son … I'm afraid I can't keep you. None of your references are checking out and …."

Kaidan nodded and sighed. "Yes, sir." He didn't bother to keep the rejection from his tone as he reached around to untie the apron that had been protecting his clothing from the dishwater. "I understand."

"Here. Your pay through this week and just a little something extra … to help you get to the next one." He offered Kadan an apologetic smile. "You've been a great help."

Kaidan looked back up at the man and finally realized that the man was genuinely sorry to let him go. "Thank you, sir," Kaidan murmured, pocketing the credits. "That's very generous." And certainly unexpected given his experiences so far. One job had even refused to pay him that current week's worth of wages.

"Good luck to you."

Kaidan shouldered his pack as he exited the diner. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he began walking down the run down street towards the main strip, hoping that he might find inspiration along the way. He had a routine for this - find something to eat, take the time to think about it, then start looking again. A rumble in his stomach reminded him that the first part of that would definitely need attention as soon as possible.

Half an hour and a number of blocks distant, Kaidan ducked into a small, rundown place that looked like it would provide him with the anonymity he was seeking just then. A burger, fries and a beer later, he could at least feel somewhat satisfied that basic needs had been met. He was fishing around in his pockets for credits when the woman who'd served him approached. He passed over the credits and told her to keep the difference. It wasn't much, but at least it was something. And it _had_ been a pretty good burger.

But instead of walking away, she tilted her head and gave him a considering look. He raised a brow in response, confused as to her interest in him. As far as he could tell, he'd done nothing out of the ordinary, opting to eat his meal in silence. "You're looking a bit glum," she commented mildly.

Kaidan shrugged and reached for the last of his beer. This, he'd been savoring. "Just got fired from my job," he countered, as if that would be all the explanation necessary. He saw her face take on a more sympathetic look. Apparently, it had been.

She remained by the table, still thoughtful as she tapped her pen against her chin. After a time in which Kaidan began wondering if she was going to lecture him on the benefits to steady employment or something, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. Leaning over onto the edge of the table, he watched her scribble something before pushing the scrap towards him. "If you're not afraid of hard work, try that," she told him.

Kaidan frowned and glanced at the paper. It was an address. And a name. "Okay?" He couldn't keep the question out of his tone.

Chuckling, she reached over to collect his plate. "One of our regular customers," she explained. "He's often looking for people to help out. As long as you're willing to do the work, they'll take you on … no questions asked." _That_ caught his attention. No questions … no background checks … no references …. "Just tell them I sent you. They'll let you in."

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kaidan felt the faintest stirrings of niggling doubt, but he shoved them aside. No checks meant he'd be able to hold a job for longer than six or eight weeks at a time. No questions meant they didn't care about his background. Likely, he wouldn't have to apply under an assumed name, either. He could be … himself. For once. Perhaps the past wasn't so far gone as he'd thought. "Thanks," he finally replied as he stood. "Maybe I'll check it out." And without another word, he was out the door ….

* * *

Upon arriving at Earth, they took a shuttle down, switching to a skycar once they landed in order to complete the rest of the journey. Serafina paid it all no mind. Her life, such as it was now, was changing right before her eyes and yet she could find no energy to put interest in any aspect of it. Except for the cold. Still chilled to the bone, she spent the entire trip in the shuttle shivering, teeth chattering, goose pimples all over her entire body, even rising beneath the jacket they'd given her to wear. She doubted she would ever be warm again in this lifetime. However, unwilling to put that to the test just yet, they made a side trip - between the shuttle's arrival and departure to their final destination in the skycar - and purchased a heavier, warmer coat. Theory was, it should keep her warm.

But it hadn't. Oh, it had certainly helped, but really when full consideration was given to the events happening around her, could anyone really expect her to ever feel warm again? They were taking her 'home' they said; though deep inside she knew that she would never be able to do that again. The past was gone. Her parents, grandparents, her twin sister, even the family dog. All gone. She was the only survivor, and Serafina had already accepted that nothing would ever provide her with that sense of home she'd had for the first sixteen years of her life. _Nothing._

The last leg of the journey, once they'd boarded the skycar, passed quickly enough. To Serafina it seemed no longer than a few minutes between their departure from Vancouver to their arrival at the orchard out in the Interior. Had she slept? She didn't think so, but then again, she'd not been paying close attention either. The way things around her moved these days still seemed to carry that haze of confusion that she'd been experiencing since the attack on Mindoir. Was it any wonder she lost track of time?

Exiting from the vehicle, she shrugged deeper inside her coat, ignored the shivering still shaking her thin frame, and took a good long look at her surroundings. The place was rather picturesque. Mountains some distance away but close enough to add to the scenic backdrop. From what she could see of the trees closest to the house where they had pulled up, they were well tended and cared for. Flashes of color amongst the leaves seemed to indicate that the fruit was growing well and healthily. Ever her father's daughter, Serafina had decided at a young age she would follow in her father's footsteps, becoming an agriculturist like him. She'd picked up skills along the way - from him, from other family members, from courses at school and from practical experience. And though it didn't require a specially trained eye to see that the orchard was doing well, she suspected that the training did help when noticing some of the smaller details.

"Now remember," her companion was saying as he led her up towards the door, "Mikhail and Katryn have gone through a lot over the past few years. I wasn't kidding when I suggested that they would need you to help them heal as much as they would be able to help you."

Serafina turned so she could look up at him. She said nothing, but then again, she didn't need to. Her body language was saying quite enough. "Give them a chance, Serafina. I'm not trying to suggest it will be easy for you. In fact, I expect it will be one of if not _the_ most difficult challenges you ever have to face. All I am asking is that you just give it a chance."

Serafina sighed. "This is the only way?" she asked.

"Would you rather live in an orphanage?" he countered.

She pulled her lower lip between her teeth and began worrying it, as if she was giving the idea due consideration. But both knew it was just a delaying tactic. "Sir …"

He smiled at her then, a hand coming up to her shoulder. "David," he reminded her gently. "You aren't a marine recruit having to report to me for duty, you know."

Serafina actually managed a small smile at that. Just the slightest tilt to one corner of her mouth, but it was something. It was more than she'd been able to give over the past three weeks. "Okay, David."

His smile widened and he patted her shoulder. "Thatta girl," he murmured. "Truthfully though, you'll be doing me as much of a favor as they will be for you. They're good friends. Been through hell. I worry about them."

Their eyes met again and Serafina could see the unspoken, _and you_. Serafina nodded, even though she still didn't know the details. Oh, he'd told her several times that he considered her cooperation in this matter as a personal favor, but never told her the reasons why. It had her curious. Probably more curious than she would ever admit aloud.

David turned and knocked on the door then. It was a short time before the barrier opened and Serafina noticed a tall and somewhat broad shouldered body silhouetted by the light behind it. "Anderson!"

David chuckled and reached out a hand. "Mikhail. Good to see you."

Serafina watched the interaction closely, mentally taking notes. It was clear that both knew the other well. Anderson had told her that he'd served with Mikhail some years before, back before the man had retired. There was a fondness recognizable in their greeting that backed that up.

"Come on inside," Mikhail insisted, stepping to the side so that Anderson could move in first. Turning towards her, she thought she heard his voice soften just a bit. "And you must be Serafina. Welcome."

She managed a small smile and a nod. "Thank you," she murmured before following Anderson a few steps inside.

"David! How good to see you again!"

Serafina turned to find Anderson greeting a diminutive woman with a warm but gentle hug. "Katryn, always a pleasure."

As Katryn stepped back, Serafina found herself smiling. She knew the woman to be older, of a similar age to her own mother, but this one reminded her of anything but. Dark, curling hair, warm and rich skin tones and kind chocolate brown eyes turned towards her next as she extended a hand. "And you must be Serafina. Welcome."

Serafina took the petite woman's hand briefly, giving it a firm shake before releasing it. "Thank you," she murmured.

Katryn returned her attention to Anderson then as she led them into the main portion of the house. "David, you will be staying this time, won't you?"

The way Anderson chuckled told Serafina that this was a commonplace question. "Not this time, Katryn." The smile he gave her looked rueful. "I know, I know. I promised last time. I'm sorry, but I have to get back to HQ for the debrief. Maybe next time."

_Debrief._ Though none of the three adults turned or looked at her in any way, Serafina knew they were thinking of her specifically. Debrief about what had been found on Mindoir. Debrief about escorting the lone surviving colonist all the way back to Earth. Debrief as to why they'd placed her _here_ of all places. Debrief as to what was to become of her.

"Let me help you get her things out of the car then," Mikhail offered before both men turned and exited.

A moment later, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, Serafina struggled for something to say. Finally turning, she murmured, "Mrs. -"

"Please, it's Katryn," she announced, stepping towards Serafina, but still smiling pleasantly. "And my husband is Mikhail." Serafina nodded. "Do you prefer to go by Serafina? Or maybe Sera?"

"I …."

Caught off guard, Serafina struggled to find her voice for a moment. It felt … closed off. Tight. Non-existent. No one but family had ever called her Sera. Not even close friends. To hear it, even as a passing reference to identification, had her feeling as if the walls around her were suddenly closing in. Her chest tightened, an unbearably heavy weight now laying upon it. She felt almost … dizzy. _The past is gone_, she reminded herself. But some things, it seemed, would be haunting her for a while.

A hand on her arm, squeezing, helped her find focus and gave her an anchor to chase back. "I'm so sorry," she could hear Katryn saying. "I didn't mean to distress you."

"It's … it's okay," Serafina finally rasped, her other hand rising to touch Katryn's. Another anchor to help pull her back. Blinking back tears, she whispered, "I just … I prefer Serafina … please …."

"Of course." Katryn began leading her through the house then, up a flight of stairs, down a hallway, but Serafina barely noticed. At least, not until she was led inside of a room and she heard Katryn saying, "This will be your room. The view out that window," she pointed to one near the far corner, "looks out over the northeast fields. I'm sure you noticed on the drive in: the main road out that way will take you back into town if you go south. If you go a few miles north, to the next orchard, you'll find Mikhail's brother's family."

Serafina tried to find solace in listening. In processing the information she was being given. In adapting to her surroundings. _The past is gone_, she reminded herself yet again. _It's time to look forward._ "Will I …." She glanced over at Katryn for a long moment, chewing on her lip again. "Would it be possible for me to work with the trees?" she finally asked. She wasn't certain why it was so important to her, just that it was in that moment.

If the woman was surprised by the request, though, she didn't show it. "Of course, dear," Katryn assured her. "I'm sure Mikhail would be glad of the help." She flashed a small grin at Serafina. "I don't participate directly," she explained. "Not since my first visit here years ago when I mistook a tree sprout for some sort of weed."

Mikhail entered the room some few minutes later and set the bag he'd retrieved from Anderson's vehicle aside on the floor. Though he didn't know its source, the sight of the two women smiling and laughing was a sign of good things to come, he thought.


	3. Like Dusk to Dawn

"Alenko. Boss wants us to head out now."

Kaidan glanced up from his omni-tool. "Just a minute," he called over, fiddling with the code he'd been working on just a little bit more. All he needed was just one more minute to fine tune it ….

"C'mon, man! I don't know about you, but I certainly don't want him on my case if we don't get this job done in time."

Still, Kaidan hesitated for a moment. Only when a satisfying beep sounded from his 'tool did he rise and follow. He would not be rushed, and everyone in the organization knew aht at this point. "Alright. Let's go."

As they traveled quickly and quietly through the streets of Illyria, Kaidan found his thoughts drifting backwards. How long had it been since that day in the diner? Nearly two years now, wasn't it? In some ways, it felt no longer than a day or two at most. Two years of relatively steady employment. Two years of being himself. Of using his own name and not fearing repercussions because of it. Two years of living that he'd not thought he'd ever get to enjoy again ….

Sort of.

Kaidan felt a frown pull at his features as he and his companion turned down an alleyway. Had he known then what he knew now about the organization he'd come to work for, well, he wasn't certain if he would have followed up on the tip the waitress (Ana, her name had been he found out later) gave him that night. It had been an address. One located in a shady part of town. A darkened and somewhat dilapidated looking building. At first, he'd thought it would end up being just another warehouse type of job. Overnight shifts, maybe.

Boy, had he been mistaken.

Then again, he'd been desperate enough at the time to give it a try when, after speaking with 'the boss' for just five minutes, he'd been offered an unspecified position. The choice between work and money versus unemployment and starvation had been an easy enough decision at the time.

They'd given him a week to learn the ropes. He'd impressed them by learning them in three days. From there, they'd taken to slowly introducing him to the details of the business itself: one job at a time. They'd quickly come to realize that his ability to focus so intently on the task at hand was unique for someone his age. The fact that he could narrow his concentration to the job at hand, asking questions that were only absolutely necessary to get it done were a plus. He was not one for stalling or using delaying tactics, either. Another bonus point. Always prepared, he often came up with ingenious ideas to assist with the job, too.

Like tonight. The code he'd been working on earlier was one he'd been given to use to override security protocols at their next assignment. However, upon looking through it, Kaidan had seen opportunity to substantially improve the quality and performance of the code. So he'd spent a good couple of hours during his normal preparation time fine tuning it. This wasn't the first time he'd done such a thing, either. He was becoming quite well known among the group for his ingenuity, especially when it came to tech issues. From his first assignment where his job had been to deactivate security protocols at a site for which he'd received praise and commendation from the boss for his speed and efficiency, to more recent missions involving the redirection and rotation of security camera feeds in such a pattern as to keep their presence from being known, he'd excelled. Kaidan had no concerns that the boss would be anything but pleased this time. He was the best tech person in the organization.

He and Jolek, his companion tonight, arrived at their destination a short time later. Quickly, quietly, Kaidan moved into position and began working on the security protocols protecting the building. He did not know the ultimate goal of this mission - his presence at this time (as in the multiple instances over the past two years) was simply to deal with the security issues and other potential threats, making sure that his other companions along on the mission could get in and out quickly and unnoticed.

Within less than five minutes, Kaidan was signalling his partner it was safe to enter. Kaidan followed in after him.

Jolek led the way through the maze of corridors and stairways. Kaidan assumed he had a map on him given the ease with which he was leading the way, but that wasn't surprising either. Each person on a team had a specific set of duties, none of which crossed over. Though in some ways, Kaidan thought this was a liability (after all, if something happened to one of the members, how were the rest to continue on the mission), it had served well enough during his stay with the organization.

"In here," Jolek hissed, gesturing towards a door to their left. The access terminal on the outside of it indicated it was heavily secured. Kaidan moved forward to begin the tedious process of bypassing the block.

Everything was going fine … until footsteps could be heard approaching from a distance.

"Hurry up!" Jolek growled, pulling out the pistol he carried.

"I can't make it go any faster!" Kaidan insisted, though he remained kneeling beside the terminal, fiddling with his omni-tool in an effort to prove otherwise.

And still, the steps came closer. The pounding sound taking on a steady, thrumming tempo … one that soon began to trigger pain at the back of his head. Shit … not now! Kaidan thought. Only once had a migraine kept him from a mission, and that had been early on. Three other times since, thankfully only one had begun while on a mission which he'd been able to deal with by dropping immediately into his bunk and sleeping it off for the next day or two upon their return to headquarters. Kaidan wasn't so much frightened that the others would discover his proclivity for the headaches as he was that they would discover the reason behind them. In the past two years, Kaidan had not used his biotics once on any single mission. He had a suspicion, having viewed how the boss tended to bring in specialists for most missions, that if he were to openly show that he was a biotic, the boss might begin to use him in ways that Kaidan didn't want or approve of. Either that, or the boss might just boot him out of the organization altogether, like most non-biotics would, exposing him as a 'freak' and unworthy of being around 'normal' people.

The door was just beginning to slide open when the Kaidan and Jolek heard a deep voice from down the hall shout, "Halt!"

Kaidan was just closing his omni-tool and moving towards the entrance when he heard a gunshot ring out … and the immediate groan of pain followed by a muted thud; the body falling to the floor. Turning back, eyes wide, Kaidan challenged, "But …. why? You didn't need to do that!"

"Get inside!" Jolek hissed, pushing Kaidan ahead of him. "Forget him - we've got a mission to finish!"

Kaidan glanced one last time over his shoulder as they entered the room, the door sliding shut almost immediately. It was pointless for him to argue, and yet he could not stop himself from thinking about it. Up to this point, there had never been any killing involved in any of the missions he'd been out on. Their main focus had been on speed, efficiency and getting in and out of a location undetected. He might not have needed to know the main goal of a mission, but whatever it was tonight, if it meant that the others with him were allowed to kill indiscriminately ….

Within five minutes, Jolek was back beside Kaidan. "Let's get out of here," he ordered, nodding at the door. Still somewhat stunned, Kaidan nodded automatically and opened the barrier. Kaidan followed behind, Jolek leading the way back out of the building the direction from which they'd come. Everything was still going well and according to plan and they were still within the specified timing, barely.

However, that changed the moment they stepped outside of the building. The security hack Kaidan had used on the building's system was still working - the building lights in the area still off, including the indicator lights on the security cameras - yet there were three guards standing there waiting for them as Kaidan followed Jolek outside. Jolek immediately lifted his pistol and took aim, snarling obscenities at the guard who ordered him to stand down.

Kaidan, still in a state of shock, again began reacting as if he were on automatic. As another guard took a step towards him, he lifted his right hand, now glowing bright blue as he pulled dark energy around him. He could both see and hear the guards gasping, recognizing immediately who and what he was, but by that point it was too late. The old mnemonic came easily (wouldn't Commander Vyrnnus have laughed at that?), flying off of his fingertips and capturing two of the guards in the stasis field before they could move. Kaidan turned to face the third one when he heard another gunshot and saw the man fall to the ground before him. Again?!

Jolek said nothing, reaching for Kaidan's arm and pulling him sharply, leading him away from the area and back down the alleyway from which they'd originally entered. From there, it was a matter of weaving their way across town, an intricate path of switchbacks and false trails, on the off chance that one of the guards managed to break free and follow. Within ten minutes, Jolek pulled Kaidan aside down a different alleyway, leaning heavily against the wall in a dark corner, body folding over at the waist, hands on knees in an effort to catch his breath. "Man," he gasped after a moment, chest heaving as he both struggled to catch his breath and laughed, "I thought we were goners! Why've you been keeping that shit so quiet, Alenko? Shit! If the boss knew …."

Kaidan's eyes closed tightly. He was hunched over as well, but he was not straining so hard to breathe. "I didn't want it known," he muttered, a voice barely audible, but it didn't matter. No doubt Jolek would be reporting that detail to the boss once they returned to headquarters.

Their return was noticed immediately, of course. And, as Kaidan had feared, Jolek informed the boss of what had happened. To the last detail. Within an hour of their return, Kaidan heard a knock at the door to his room (he'd retreated straight to his bunk to lie down, the migraine having exploded along with Jolek's last gunshot). Arm falling to his side, Kaidan half rose and looked over at the door.

The boss entered quietly, closing the door behind him. "Sounds like you and I need to have a discussion, Alenko," he intoned in a deceptively calm tone. Kaidan could feel the dread building in the pit of his stomach ….

* * *

The creak and groan of the back door opening served as a sort of alarm for Katryn. A quick glance at the clock verified her conclusion. However, the single footfall behind it - booted, heavy and achingly familiar in weight and step - was an alert of another sort. Turning from her dinner preparations, she met her husband's eyes across the kitchen while wiping her hands on the towel at her waist. Katryn tried to hide her disappointment, but she knew she failed by the hint of sorrow she could see behind Mikhail's dark eyes. "Not tonight?"

He shook his head as he removed his heavy coat. "No. She asked me to tell you to go ahead with dinner. She will eat later."

Sighing, Katryn felt her shoulders slumping in defeat. How many nights over the past months had this happened? It had taken a while before it manifested - after all, settling into a new place did take time. But, once Serafina had been given permission to assist with the orchard, once she'd been able to get out there and become more involved, more invested in something, it had become a recurring habit of hers to remain out in the greenhouse for as long as possible of an evening.

Not that the young woman's involvement was to be discouraged, Katryn knew. From what David had told both her and Mikhail before Serafina's arrival, her losses were of the type that could lead most to irreversible despair. Though quiet and often off by herself, Serafina had tried to fit in as well as she could at the orchard. Once school began, Katryn had found her very amenable and willing to shoulder that responsibility - almost to the point of focusing on it too much, if such a thing were possible. Serafina would rise early to prepare for the day ahead before meeting the school bus. Upon return home at the end of the day, she would sit in the kitchen to complete her homework (at which time Katryn would attempt to get her to eat something to tide her over until later) before heading out to assist in the orchard. Often, she would not return to the house until late. Only then would she grab a small plate, eat, and then head to bed.

Though Katryn understood the weight of such a loss, she couldn't help but wonder if the teen wasn't hiding from life more than anything. Lord knew it was what she wanted to do given Kaidan's absence in his parents' lives.

Gesturing towards the table, Katryn now ushered Mikhail inside. "You'd best wash up then. Dinner's ready." As he crossed to the sink, she began making plans for later.

- O - o - O - o -

Routine had become Serafina's best friend since arriving at the orchard. A plan of the day, one in which she knew every minute would be taken up leaving her no other option but to remain busy and therefore allowing her no time to dwell on the things that could not be changed. If asked, she would probably openly admit that it was not, perhaps, the best path to take. However, it was a path and at that moment in time it was providing her with a solution that worked. From the moment she rose before sunrise, to the instant her head hit the pillow at night, she kept busy.

For months this had been going on. When school was in session, it was in many respects much easier to accomplish. The necessities of studying and completing assignments in order to achieve good grades often kept her mind so occupied, she could go the entire day without a memory creeping in and grasping hold of her heart. The holidays and other breaks from her education, however, proved to be more difficult. Especially in that first year. But then she had found her salvation quite unexpectedly.

So intent on her work at that moment was she that Serafina didn't hear the creaking and groaning of hinges desperately in need of oil or the approach of soft footsteps. In fact, nothing broke her concentration until she felt gentle hands at her shoulders as they lay something a bit heavier across them. Startled, she gasped softly, straightening, but her hands rose out of instinct, meeting Katryn's over the edge of the fabric. Her eyes followed the same path and … She frowned. Blue? Turning, she grasped the item Katryn had placed around her and pulled it down to her lap. It didn't take long for the smile to break free and a soft laugh to escape. "A sweater?!"

Katryn chuckled and nodded as she set an old thermos on the table beside Serafina's work station. She moved to open it and was soon pouring some of the contents into two old cups she'd also brought with her. Setting one close enough for the scent to waft towards the younger woman, she began, "I know Mikhail and I have not spoken of our son often," a sad smile pulled at her lips, "but I suspect if he were here right now, he would be admonishing me for not having allowed you use of his sweater before now. You certainly can make more use of it than if I leave it packed away in hopes for further use. Besides," she added, a playful grin turning her mouth upwards, "it matches your eyes quite well."

Serafina smiled and quickly removed her coat, donning the sweater and pulling her long hair free to hang down her back. "It's lovely," she assured Katryn, enjoying how the sleeves extended past the tips of her fingers. "And so warm!" For the first time in ages, Serafina could say that she actually felt … warm.

"I should hope so!" Katryn laughed. "That sweater took me quite a while to finish, and it's all heavy wool."

"Thank you. I'll take good care of it," Serafina promised. Then turning towards the work bench, she noted the hot liquid. "Now, what's this?"

Katryn's smile widened. "I may not work the orchard directly," she explained, "but I know how to make a mean cup of hot apple cider. Perfect for those cold evenings out in the greenhouse."

Serafina lifted the cup and took a cautious sip. Apples, cinnamon, cloves … and a touch of something more. "Oh!" she gasped in delight, eyes widening in surprise.

Katryn laughed again. "Apple brandy. Just a touch," she added. Turning towards the work table herself, she nodded at Serafina's current project. "So, what is this you're working on, hmm? Do I have a right to know what keeps you from my home cooked meals of an evening?" There were several books lying open, some with marked passages, a pad of paper and a pen with a few lines of scribbled notes, and the most important thing, a small pot from which the evidence of Serafina's hard work was beginning to emerge from beneath the dirt.

Serafina smiled, her free hand reaching out to gently caress one of two small, green leaves. "This is my baby," she murmured. She knew well and good that Katryn was aware of her attempts to continue work on a hybrid apple tree that Mikhail had begun a few years back, but after certain several failures along the way and certain events in his personal life, he'd lost interest in it. Her attempts at continuing the process weren't much to her way of thinking, but Serafina was finding that if nothing else, it was a turning into a healing sort of process as well as a tremendous learning experience. All of the skills she'd learned from her family, plus those she'd picked up over the past couple of years while living here were finally being put to good use. She'd not recorded much in the way of success so far, and Mikhail had teasingly labeled the potential fruit of her efforts Shepard's Folly, yet that hadn't stopped him from giving her advice when asked or assisting in any way that he could. In some ways, Serafina would have sworn that Mikhail was enjoying her experience as much as she was.

Katryn nodded. "It's definitely making progress," she observed.

Serafina nodded and gestured towards her notes. "I think … I hope this time I've gotten it right," she admitted. She couldn't stop a slight flushing of her cheeks as she admitted, "I even contacted Aaron for his advice on a couple of issues."

Katryn's smile widened as she thought fondly of her nephew. Of an age as her own son, Aaron was rapidly working his way up in the agribusiness profession. Considering his roots in the family business, she wasn't surprised at all by his success. "Good idea," she agreed after a moment. Turning to face Serafina, Katryn felt a small teasing grin form. "However, as late as it is, as cold out here as it is, and seeing that you have school bright and early in the morning … why not come inside for some supper and then get some rest?" She nodded towards the tree. "I think it's safe to say that your 'baby' is doing well enough for tonight, hmm?"

Serafina laughed softly but nodded agreement. "Alright … just let me get things cleaned up and put away out here. I'll be along shortly."

As Katryn turned to leave, gathering the thermos and cups once more, Serafina hesitated. Biting at her lower lip, she darted a quick glance over. "Katryn?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you." Serafina gestured casually around the greenhouse, at the desk, her arm extending vaguely in the direction of the main house. "For everything, I mean. I hope you and Mikhail know much I appreciate it."

Katryn stepped closer and in a motherly sort of fashion, lifted her hand to brush a few errant strands of hair away from Serafina's eyes. The fact that Serafina did not flinch from the move showed signs of her personal progress over the years as well. "I think you know it has been a two way street."

Serafina nodded. She'd not ever poked or prodded, keeping questions of curiosity locked deep inside. If there was anything to which she could personally relate, it was to having a healthy respect for their consideration in similar regards. She was not about to break that. "I do."


	4. Dues to Pay

Kaidan couldn't fight off the growing sensation of being trapped. It was a feeling he most assuredly didn't appreciate, either, having been its victim a time or two over the years. But this time … this time, it was nearly as bad as the day that his life had changed forever ...

-=oOo=-

_The doctor's visit over, Kaidan was quick to get dressed once again. He could hear the doctor and his parents just outside the door, their voices hushed but loud enough that he could at least distinguish which was speaking at any given time; the calm reassurances of the doctor, the worried warbles of his mother, the solid yet stoic edge of his father. This appointment had been made quickly, within a week of the 'incident,' though Kaidan thought he already knew what had happened. Ever since that outing with Aaron, that hunting 'accident' up in the mountains just north and west of the family lands, he'd been doing a bit of research on the extranet. There wasn't much out there to be found, but what he had come across, Kaidan couldn't say he'd found very reassuring. _

_BIOTICS. _

_He frowned as he pulled his shirt over his shoulders and began sliding buttons through their holes one by one. The word itself hadn't meant much to him when he'd used his unknown skills to protect his cousin from the rabid wolf that had sprung out of nowhere while he was trying to take a shot at the deer. But, from one moment to the next, it had meant the difference between life and death. It had also frightened the both of them. So much so that, for the briefest of moments, Kaidan had seen fear of HIM in his cousin's eyes, too. That had been brief, thankfully, and by the time they'd returned to their respective homes, they'd both agreed that Kaidan would tell his parents what had happened and allow them to decide how to move forward._

_That had resulted in this trip to Vancouver; a visit with a specialist who had poked, prodded and examined, who had done scans and and bloodwork and was now (if Kaidan was hearing correctly as he moved over to listen through the door) confirming that Kaidan did indeed have the eezo nodules indicative of a person with biotics. _

_A soft sob and the low rumbling murmurs of his father told Kaidan more than he needed to know of his mother's reaction to the situation. His father's, well … Kaidan suspected it would be like usual. Gruff and resolute at the same time, not so much harsh or angry as withdrawn about things he could not or would not understand. Kaidan had lived with that now for almost fifteen years. It was just how his dad was. It didn't make it any easier to get along with or communicate with the man knowing this, but hey … he was who he was. Just like Kaidan was becoming his own person. With a heavy sigh of resignation, he reached for the door and mentally prepared himself for what was to come. Everyone had to pay their dues in life … it was time that he learned to face his …._

_-=oOo=-_

_"You've been holding out on us."_

Though the boss hadn't said it in anger, Kaidan still heard those words all these weeks and months later. Felt the weight of them on his shoulders, pinning him down with more doubt and indecision than he'd had to face since BAaT. Though not specified in so many words, 'holding out' had translated into 'we're disappointed' to Kaidan. Though not visible at first, in the first few weeks after their talk, the boss had sent him out with a new purpose. He was given more responsibility. A larger role in the operations. It gave them a chance to re-evaluate him knowing now what skills he had.

Also more of a hold on him.

Guilt was an interesting emotion, Kaidan came to realize. The one on the receiving end though not necessarily helpless, certainly felt obligated to do as instructed. Why exactly Kaidan allowed that to happen was something altogether different. Perhaps it was because the boss didn't reach for it all at once, only gradually increasing Kaidan's sense of obligation until, before Kaidan even realized it, he was well in over his head. Maybe it was carryover from what had happened with Rahna. Did he feel guilty about that? Sure. Would it haunt him the remainder of his days? He had no doubts about that. All he'd been trying to do was protect her, do the right thing, yet in return all she'd done was to shun him. Who knew what would have happened if he hadn't intervened, right?

But then again, the person on the giving end of the guilt … well, Kaidan could now quite clearly see that it was more than just a power trip. The boss was one who rode high on his ego, of that there was no doubt. Kaidan had seen that enough over the past two years. But this … this was more than that. The power to get Kaidan to do what the boss wanted, to participate in missions he openly _knew_ Kaidan would not like or would have, under other circumstances, refused or objected to, that was a feat in itself. A very subtle and clever one that Kaidan came to realize too late. He should have guessed when he began to see the boss smirking softly after giving his assignment. The boss knew damned good and well that many of these situations went against Kaidan's better judgement and that the younger man didn't want to be a part of them.

And, Kaidan suspected, the worst was yet to come.

The briefings often took place a day or two in advance of any given operation. Mostly, this was to give the individuals involved sufficient time for any additional preparations necessary. In past, Kaidan had used this time to fine tune security programs or even rewrite the code altogether. More and more of late, he'd been using this time to dwell on his current situation, searching desperately for some way out. Back when he'd first joined, the boss had announced that if at any time he'd wanted to just up and leave, he'd be free to go. No questions asked. Over the months and years, Kaidan had seen this happen a few times, but now as he thought back on it, he realized that the ones who had left had been low level 'employees,' cannon fodder as he'd overheard the boss refer to them once. But now? Seeing that the boss viewed Kaidan and his biotic abilities as his new 'toy of the moment,' even that avenue of departure was closed off.

"Alenko."

Swallowing back a combination of resentment and despair, Kaidan straightened where he stood in the back of the room, eyes lifting to meet the man now moving in front of him. He ignored the others turning to watch. The feeling that something important, something life-changing, was about to happen was almost palpable. "Yeah?" he replied. The boss always wanted acknowledgement from the person to whom he was speaking.

"I have a very special assignment for you this time."

Kaidan felt his skin beginning to crawl as the boss' voice dropped, the devilish hint of betrayal coloring his tone. It took every effort to keep his instinctual reaction - the flaring of his biotics in this case - from taking over control even though his gut told him it was a necessary precautionary measure. By the way that the boss eyed him, dark orbs darting first from his face to his hands and then right back upwards again, Kaidan could see that the man sensed this. Or maybe he'd just been observant the one or two times Kaidan hadn't been quite so in control. Either way, Kaidan felt a tingling at the back of his head ever so slowly starting to increase despite his best intentions.

"This time," the boss began, his tone nearly a purring sound as he clearly took great enjoyment in his announcement, "you will be our hit man." Turning back to face the handful of others in the room, the boss grinned widely, his laughter as haunting as it was evil. "Our target this time, folks, is Tareth Lyringe."

Kaidan froze, eyes searching for and finding the boss'. Tareth Lyringe - one of the galaxy's most well respected businessmen and now up and coming politician. Word was that his place in Parliament on Arcturus Station would soon be vacated so he could take on a larger, more important role. He and two others were the movers and shakers of this generation, leading the Alliance and humanity into better times and associations with the Council and other races. A target for kidnapping, sure. Kaidan knew the boss wasn't above that, though he'd never been a direct part of such an operation before. But this time … The term 'hit man' implied that it was to be an assassination.

The sneer that crossed the boss' face indicated that he'd guessed Kaidan's line of thinking. "That's right, Alenko. You'll be joining the big leagues with this mission." Facing the others again, he announced, "Our goal this time is the assassination of Lyringe."

The words had barely sunk in before Kaidan's head began shaking negatively as he bit out flatly, "No."

The room around him fell silent, all eyes coming to rest solely upon him. "What was that?" the boss countered, his attention turning back to focus on him. Kaidan missed the gleam of anticipation that flared behind the man's eyes.

"I said no," Kaidan replied, his voice strong though his mouth was dry.

"You are refusing me then?" There was an almost obscene hint of amusement in the boss' tone as he replied. "You might want to rethink that."

Kaidan took a deep breath, about to repeat his insistence that he wanted no part of this mission. That he'd had enough death to last him a lifetime, and that wasn't even counting the lives taken by other members of the organization during the past few years. Vyrnnus' death had been an accident. The boss was asking for something else. Murder was not an option, and that was non-negotiable in Kaidan's book. However, Kaidan held himself in check, his thoughts silent as he saw the boss raising his hand. The boss' omni-tool was lit up and activated, flashing a red indicator light which signaled that a message was ready to send. Frowning, Kaidan returned his gaze to the other man. "And why is that?" he asked, wariness evident.

"If you refuse," the boss told him while beginning to walk around him, circling like a bird of prey would around carrion, "I will send this message. This message will then be delivered to an eight man team I sent on ahead just for this purpose."

Confusion was not something Kaidan wished to announce, but he needed to ask the question. "What purpose is that?"

"If you refuse to cooperate … Well, let me put it this way: it would be an unfortunate thing to discover that one's family is not quite so safe and secure as one originally thought, now wouldn't it?"

Kaidan felt the chill speed down his spine from head to toe and branch out to every limb in between at the implied threat within the boss' words. Cold enveloped him, devoured him, slowed his feeling, his thinking, even his response. "My …"

"It would be such a shame to have the family orchard end up on the auction block when no heirs were found left alive to take over operations, don't you think?"

_Cold. Bone chilling ice that could keep a man from breathing. From thinking … From feeling. Ice blue cold … that seeped deep within the body and turned anger to resolve, despair into determination … cold into warmth of another variety … but with a powerful kick …._

* * *

Seated at the kitchen table, Serafina finally sat back from the datapad in front of her, groaned and dropped her head until it rested upon her arms, grumbling loudly and in a bit of exasperation, "If I _never_ have to write another paper analyzing the differences between asari and human literature _ever_ again, it will be too soon!"

The soft chuckle from across the room was not a sympathetic one. "Oh, I don't know about that," Katryn replied as she worked at the stove. "You never know when that topic of discussion might come up in friendly conversation." Serafina just grumbled some more, burrowing her face deeper into sweater-covered arms, hiding in the blessed oblivion that was warmth. "Speaking of school," Katryn continued a moment later, "graduation will be coming up in a few months. Have you started thinking about what you'd like to do afterwards?"

Serafina's sigh, though heavy, was not one of frustration or irritation. Rather, it was one filled with indecision. _Started thinking?_ She had several possibilities floating around, all of them as equally interesting and attainable as they were varied. So far, she'd had little luck in narrowing down her choices. There had been a time when she'd thought to take over for her parents, running the family farm, but that idea had died the day Mindoir had been attacked. "I've started, … yes," she admitted. The quick look she tossed over at Katryn, Serafina hoped would keep the woman from taking the discussion any further. The last thing she wanted to do this evening was discuss it. Though the past two years had done a great deal to help her recover and heal from her personal losses, when it came to making decisions about her future and what direction she should take, they seemed to be returning in a rather painful flood. It was something she tried not to court too often.

Their conversation was brought to a quick end on its own, however. Serafina was just starting to clear her things off the table as Katryn began laying out dinner plates and utensils when they both heard a frighteningly familiar rapport from outside of the house. "That was …," Katryn started.

"A rifle shot," Serafina finished as their eyes met, equal measures of question and concern present. Though Mikhail often carried a weapon with him when away from the house (an old habit from his military days that refused to die even in retirement), it was rare that he would ever have to use it. Of the couple of instances she could recollect since her arrival, Serafina remembered both involved injured wild animals being put out of their misery. And none had ever been this close to the house.

Katryn's eyes narrowed in concern. "Perhaps we should -"

Another shot rang out, followed almost immediately by a longer series of what clearly was back and forth gunfire. All of this cut off Katryn's suggestion and Serafina felt all warmth leave her body as a cold chill descend over her, eventually nudging her into making a decision. Blatantly ignoring the memories that were suddenly triggered, she turned instead to hurry out of the kitchen and down the hall. Ducking into Mikhail's study, she quickly located and retrieved the hunting rifle that he had given her the autumn before when he'd tried to convince her to go hunting. She'd refused at the time, the rifle such a strong reminder of her last three days on Mindoir, alone and on her own after the batarian attack.

From a young age, Serafina's father had taught both her and her twin to shoot. Mostly because living outside of town on the farm meant that they'd occasionally come face to face with situations in which they would have to defend themselves or their livelihood. Other times, there were hunting trips. In those couple of months before the attack, Serafina had actually just been invited to join the school's shooting team because of her skill. But hunting and shooting at targets that couldn't fight back were one thing. Self defense was something altogether different … and it had a harder, rougher and yet all too familiar edge to it. It should have frightened her just how quickly she adopted that mien.

"Serafina -"

Serafina turned as Katryn followed her into the study, the weight of the rifle in her hands already recognized, accepted and put out of mind. Reaching for some ammunition, she murmured, "We need to get upstairs. Lights out. Not a sound." She noted the startled look that crossed Katryn's features. Serafina supposed she would seem different now. She _felt_ different too. The cold was creeping along, filling her blood, chilling her bones. The memories were beginning to return, too. Instinct kicking in and taking over.

-=oOo=-

_"Life is filled with dues you will ultimately have to pay, child."_

_Serafina looked up from the bowl of peas she was shelling for her mother, her eyes narrowing in confusion as she asked, "What does that mean, Gran?"_

_"That means you'll end up owing more than you'll get out of life!" Kaysey teased her twin, ducking away before Serafina could turn around and swat at her._

_"Kaysey!" their mother admonished, but Serafina noted that there was a twinkle of mischief in her mother's eyes as she looked over. Serafina only shook her head and looked back over at her grandmother, but a smile was pulling at the corner of her mouth. Kaysey and their mother tended to share a similar sense of mischievousness and playful manner. Serafina, so she'd been told, was much more serious. Like her father._

_Chuckling softly, Gran reached over to pat Serafina's shoulder. "What I mean," she responded, her voice lowering just a bit and becoming more serious, "is that in all things there will be a price to pay. What exactly that price is and how you go about paying it you will have to decide for yourself …."_

_-=oOo=-_

When Katryn didn't move, Serafina reached out, her hand settling on the older woman's shoulder. "Katryn, we need to get upstairs," she urged.

Katryn nodded, though it took her another moment before she could stir herself into full reaction. Once they were making their way up the stairs, though, she asked, "Where to?"

Serafina heard another round of shots from outside and tried to narrow down the direction from which they came. "My room," she replied, leading the way into the bedroom. After Katryn followed her inside, she shut and locked the door before pushing a dresser in front of it. The move might leave them cornered and certainly wouldn't protect them for long if someone was determined to get inside, but not knowing the full extent of the situation, Serafina didn't want to take the chance of anyone coming up behind them. Hadn't that been why she'd sought refuge for three days up that tree on Mindoir? None of the batarians she'd picked off with her father's hunting rifle had even glanced up in that direction. They'd never known what hit them.

Gesturing Katryn to sit in the corner furthest from both the the hall and the windows, Serafina crept over to the windows and quietly pushed one of the panes open, finally kneeling down so she could use her scope to take a look around.

The drive leading from the house to the main road was lined on either side by rows of trees, and though spring was nearing, their leaves had yet to show. But that said, in the dark it was just as difficult to see among them as if they were fully in bloom. After several minutes spent scanning the area as much as she could with her rifle scope, in the end it was a shot that helped her to identify the location of the intruders.

The tinkling sound of breaking glass and the suddenness with which the small bit of light at the corner of the house went out caught Serafina's attention immediately. Back tracking the line of fire, she lifted her rifle and ….

"Gotcha," she murmured softly. A quick look was all she needed to see that the man was completely unknown. A slight movement off to the right had her altering her angle just a bit. Numbers Two, Three and Four were all gathered together in the same general area. One of them, she noted, appeared to be talking into his omni-tool, though, which had Serafina only guessing at the total number of people.

Just as she was about to switch her line of sight once again, she both heard and this time saw a shot through her scope, this one coming from the direction of the greenhouse (it had to be Mikhail, right?) and hitting number Three squarely in his shoulder. This resulted in numbers Two and Four taking several shots in that general direction, and as she skimmed back over to number One ….

"He's got a rocket," she murmured. Only then did she move into action. She felt pretty safe in her assumptions that the ones shooting at the greenhouse were not friendly. If anything, the rocket launcher was a pretty good indication of that. Lifting the rifle to her shoulder, Serafina lined up her shot while at the same time taking account for the conditions outside ….

The brain, it had been said, could play tricks upon the mind. Serafina had experienced that before. This time, as two years before, she could have sworn she heard One gurgling as the shot hit him directly in his chest despite the fact that he was so far away from her.

As soon as he was down, Serafina quickly reloaded and brought her scope back around to focus on the other three. Either they were oblivious to what had happened, or they hadn't yet noticed. Four was still aiming his weapon from his position behind one of the trees while Two was attempting to give first aid to Three. As certain as she was now that they were enemies, Serafina was not quite prepared to shoot them all down in cold blood. Then again, she felt a certain sense of justification as she took aim and lined up her shot against Four. He _was_ shooting at the greenhouse, wasn't he? His two companions could not miss what had happened to him as he jerked backwards just a bit before falling down to the ground. Immediately, Serafina reloaded and turned to line up a shot against Two, expecting that he, since he was the only uninjured one left, would take up his weapon and begin firing as his friend had.

This he did … but not towards the greenhouse as she'd expected. He was just lifting his weapon (larger than a pistol, smaller than a hunting rifle, Serafina noted, though she could not tell exactly what it was) in her direction when her shot hit him squarely in his chest. He, too, dropped. This time, though, she was certain she hear the last companion screaming as Two fell upon him, deadweight.

For now, her scope was empty, though she still could hear shots occasionally being fired. After a few minutes, she decided that they were more towards the other end of the house and she turned to face Katryn, pulling her window shut behind her. "We need to go to the other side," she told Katryn.

The older woman nodded and Serafina could see what was in all likelihood shock settling in. She winced. "Katryn …."

"No," Katryn insisted as she rose to her feet and assisted with moving the furniture back into its original position so they could exit. "I'm … I'll be okay. I just …."

"Yeah."

Stepping in front of Katryn, Serafina cracked the door and peeked into the hallway. Another moment longer she spent simply listening. When she was reasonably certain no one else was out there, she led Katryn down the hall and into hers and Mikhail's room. Again, she barred the door behind them before helping Katryn find a safe place and then moved to the windows.

Serafina was just lifting her rifle to her shoulder so she could peer through her scope when she heard Katryn ask, "How did you know?"

Serafina darted a quick look over at Katryn. "What to do?" she asked. Katryn nodded. Sighing heavily, Serafina's eyes closed for a long moment. "After the batarians attacked, I got away. I ran for home, though I'm not sure exactly why." Her voice was low and dull toned as she spoke. Each word was a different sort of battle against the memories of her past. "When I got there, I changed clothing, found my father's hunting rifle, grabbed a bag of food and ammunition and I ran. I found a place to hide for the night and spent it hidden up a tree."

Eyes opening again, she met Katryn's gaze. "I spent three days up that tree. I shot anything that got too close to me."

Katryn blinked. "How close was that?" she asked softly.

Serafina's eyes darkened, hardened. "If I could see them, they were too close."

"How many?"

Serafina sighed. "I lost count after the second day," she admitted. Then with a shrug of her shoulders, she continued, "Too many? Not enough? Take your pick. When I was found by the Alliance patrol, though, they were in full retreat."

The sound of gunfire outside had Serafina turning back to look outside. She found Five and Six almost immediately by the firing of their weapons, and she couldn't hold back a scoffing chuckle. They made it all too easy. Apparently, they hadn't heard what had happened to their friends. Seven appeared a moment later at a dead run. As he spoke, his arms gesticulated wildly. While Seven continued speaking, Serafina saw Five begin talking into his omni-tool. So … either there was an Eight or more somewhere, or they were talking with Three who she had left behind.

Eight appeared within a few minutes. He, too, had a rocket launcher. Same one as earlier or different, Serafina didn't care as she lined up her shot. She had no choice at all this time. He was aiming it towards the house. Raising her rifle just a bit higher than before, she calculated the adjustments and took the shot before he could finish. Five, Six and Seven jumped backwards as Eight's head took a direct hit. She kept a close eye on them as she reloaded, ready to take another shot if one of them should reach for the launcher.

She didn't have to worry about it. Five howled a moment later, grasping his left leg as he fell. The echoing of the shot finally made it up to her window and Serafina suspected that Mikhail was now taking advantage of the opportunity. Six and Seven glanced down at Five before they both turned, arms partly raised, weapons in hand, and yet neither one finishing their move. Serafina took out Seven with a shot to his back and as he fell, she saw Six clutch at his chest.

Time seemed to stand still for a long moment then, the silence almost unnatural after the events of the past several minutes. But finally, Serafina saw a tall form emerge from the greenhouse, his usual plaid work jack as identifiable as an identification card. "Mikhail's safe," she told Katryn.

"Oh, thank God!"

Another minute or two passed and finally, Mikhail glanced up towards Serafina, his arm lifting in a gesture that told her it was over. Nodding, she rose and turned towards Katryn. "Mikhail says it's safe now."

Quietly, the two women descended back to the main part of the house, Serafina ducking into the study to replace her rifle and the rest of the ammunition, and by the time she arrived in the kitchen after Katryn, Mikhail was there. Serafina hesitated in the doorway, but Mikhail wouldn't allow it. Striding across the room, he pulled her close into a bear of a hug. Serafina found she couldn't help but return it. "You both are safe?" he asked when he released her. "I put a call in to the authorities too," he added in an aside to his wife. "They're on their way now."

Serafina nodded. "Yes, sir, we are."

"Mikhail," Katryn broke in, "who _were_ they?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I did a quick search of their bodies before I came in, but there was nothing to identify them."

"Sir … I think … I know I killed about five of them," Serafina told him.

But where she expected to see dismay, perhaps, or something else, she found him smiling back at her instead. "You did," he agreed solemnly. "The other three were mine." Serafina blinked, but the hard look he gave her brooked no argument. She would ask him later if that meant what she thought it did, though what good the knowledge would do her she didn't know.

"You are a damned good shot," Mikhail told her under his breath as Katryn stepped away to finish getting dinner on the table. "Have you considered using that as a career path?"

Serafina frowned up at him. "Career path?" she echoed.

"The Systems Alliance is always looking for good soldiers," he pointed out. "I'm sure they'd be delighted to have someone of your skill join their ranks."

Serafina drew in a breath and opened her mouth to deny his suggestion, but an old, familiar voice echoing in the back of her head gave her pause. _Everybody has their own dues in life they must pay. The decision will come in how you decide to pay them …._ Eyes lifting to meet his, she tilted her head to the side a bit. "Tell me more?" she asked.

Guiding her over to the table, Mikhail responded, "I'd be glad to."


	5. Nobody Knows

The investigation into the attack on the orchard was still ongoing when Serafina finally made her decision about her future plans. After her initial discussion that night with Mikhail, she had taken a few weeks to simply think long and hard about what a future like that might mean for her. Would she be able to do it? Would she find satisfaction in it? Was it something she really wanted to dedicate the rest of her life to, or was she turning to it simply because all other options at the moment were just unsatisfactory ideas floating around before her?

In the end, her decision to become a soldier was simple enough, and for someone like herself natural, she supposed. After much thought, she decided it was an inevitable conclusion: she was a survivor, after all. How best could she use that if not in the service of helping others? She had a proven ability to defend. Sure, she needed more training - that would only be natural for someone of her youth. But, why not use that skill to defend those who could not defend themselves? Perhaps prevent other children from having to face what she had on Mindoir? Was that not a worthy goal in life?

Beyond that, though, as Mikhail had pointed out, her abilities were specialized enough that she was certain to find them in demand, even within the military. And Serafina had to admit that sniper school did sound like it would be a good match for her.

The only remaining question was, when would she make it happen? Technically, she turned eighteen in a couple of weeks. She would be old enough to decide for herself just what it was she wanted to do (not that it was an issue really. Mikhail and Katryn had assured her that the final decision would be up to her. It was _her_ future, after all). Any day, she could head down to the local recruitment office or even take a transport into Vancouver and just go sign up. For that matter, she could take Mikhail up on his offer to contact Anderson and have him help her through the process.

Or, she could remain at the orchard and finish out the school year. It would end soon enough, and Serafina had been working hard to get through the remainder of school with honors. That was a personal promise she'd made to the memory of her family, one no one else knew about. If she were to quit now and enlist, she would lose all the hard work she'd put into it to this point and break that promise.

Whether he'd guessed at her reasons for hesitating or simply moved ahead on his own, Mikhail had reached out to Anderson who replied that Serafina would keep all of her school credits, receive her honors diploma and, should she prove a good enough candidate at basic, would be directed towards an officer's path once she was a marine.

The final piece of the puzzle to her future in place, Serafina agreed to leave on her birthday (if Anderson could arrange it - he assured her he could) and enlist. Her future was set.

Except for one last task.

Sitting at the desk in her room, staring down at the pen resting lightly between her fingers, the blank vastness of the page before her, Serafina found herself debating. She wanted - correction: _needed_ - to leave a message. Earlier that day, word had came in regarding the purpose behind the attacks. Serafina had been with Katryn when Mikhail had arrived with the news. Since that time, there had been a heavy weight of despair hovering over the house. He'd been involved. Somehow. Some way. As she'd left them alone to deal with the news in private, Serafina had overheard Katryn insisting fiercely to Mikhail that their son would never condone such actions. Not knowingly. In the end, she'd heard Mikhail agree with his wife, though there had been such a hint of defeat in his tone that Serafina was uncertain whether he truly believed his own words.

Serafina knew nothing about him - her vow not to pry had never been broken during her stay. That neither Katryn nor Mikhail had volunteered information was not a surprise either, but just as surely it was something that Serafina could respect. And yet, something inside, deeper than her most fearsome nightmares that still would visit upon occasion, she suspected that Katryn was correct in her assessment of the situation. It was that suspicion that had led Serafina to her current action.

Shifting her grasp on the pen, she pulled the blank page to her and began to write:

_We do not know one another, and yet in many ways we are the same. _

_There are some things you should know, reassurances that might help should you ever receive this message._

_You should know that your absence is keenly felt, and more understood by those who care most than you might believe. Your absence has been mourned, but do not doubt for a moment that your return will be anything but welcomed. Uncertainty can be a troublesome thing for those who care, an obstacle for those who return, but ultimately it can be overcome._

_There are some for whom peace can be found through solitude. For others, through the strength of family. I truly hope you can find your peace and by doing so, help your parents find theirs. They are good people, and by extension, you are the same. Their faith, tested and tried over more years than yours, has held. Should yours, know you will find what you need with them._

_Cherish your family, my friend. The alternative is too difficult to bear at times and should not have to be borne._

_S.S._

Satisfied with her message, Serafina folded the paper and exited her room. For the first and only time during her stay, she crossed the hall and entered the room his parents had all but barred the rest of the world from. She surveyed the room quietly, searching for a place … and found it on the stand beside the bed. An old book, a _real_ book, she saw. A collection of novels by a twentieth century author. Serafina smiled. Glancing through the book, she found evidence of dog-eared corners, well thumbed pages, and in the back a message from a distant relative. Yes, this was the place to leave it. Slipping the folded page into the middle of the book, the edges just high enough that a reader would see, she closed the book and returned it to its place. Closing the door behind her, she left the room behind.

-=oOo=-

Katryn stood at the door, a warm smile curving at her lips. "You will always be welcome here, Serafina," she said gently, opening her arms for a hug, "come whatever may in your future."

Serafina returned the smile and accepted the hug, returning it whole heartedly. "Thank you, Katryn." She turned to face Mikhail, standing behind her. "And you, sir," she added. "For everything."

Mikhail pulled her into a tight hug. "You are a force to be reckoned with," he said quietly, "and we certainly will not stand in the way of your destiny. But as Katryn said, you will always be welcome here."

Serafina nodded, struggling to keep emotions that wanted to break free from doing so. It was not that she didn't want to care or that she didn't want to allow herself a luxury such as that again, it was more that she couldn't. In the long run, it would be better for all this way. "I will do my best to stay in touch," she told them, but it was as close to a promise as she was willing to make.

The sound of footsteps on the front porch had them turning. "Ready to go?" Anderson asked as he joined them. "Your bag is loaded in the car."

Straightening, Serafina nodded. "I'm ready." With one last look and a small wave, she bade this part of her life goodbye and turned to face the future. Alone.

* * *

_Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power. (Seneca)_

The quote was one that Kaidan recalled from his childhood, a teacher who preferred to begin each class with a famous quote or saying. They'd spent many a session analyzing the meaning before moving on to the context of the lesson. This had been one that he'd liked, but hadn't really understood. Until BAaT. Until Vyrnnus. Until the 'accident.'

If he'd needed a reminder of it, a refresher of sorts, he'd certainly just had it. Anger, when combined with power made for a deadly combination. The boss hadn't quite understood that concept … or, if he had, he'd not viewed Kaidan as a real threat. Or maybe his arrogance kept him from seeing that? Well, no more. Now he, his second, and everyone else in that god forsaken room had paid for their underestimation of him.

The blue haze that had overcome him finally clearing from his eyes, Kaidan now surveyed the damage surrounding him. Six bodies total. Superficially, all looked to be asleep, though Kaidan knew better. The boss, lucky bastard even now, had deserved something more than the easy death he'd received. In a situation similar to Vyrnnus, he now lay against the far wall, his neck bent at an odd angle that clearly indicated death had been instantaneous. He'd been too close to Kaidan at the time to worry about style. The blow had been quick and with as much power as Kaidan had been able to muster. Anger had been a powerful motivator.

Malik, the boss' second in command, had taken more of a beating. Though he'd been further across the room, he'd found a way to get in close enough to aim a weapon at Kaidan nearly point blank and to get a shot off. The shot had missed, stopped by the barrier field that Kaidan had instinctively lit up at the beginning of his attack. Surprised by his failure, the man had not seen the throw that Kaidan had followed with.

Others had come at him afterwards. A well placed stasis field had stopped three of them together. The other had worked to get in close enough for hand to hand combat. Had managed to deliver a few good licks, too, before Kaidan threw him back. He'd landed near the stasis field. When Kaidan had noticed signs of the stasis about to fall apart, he'd thrown a warp in that general direction if for no other reason than to slow them down. Too late, he'd recalled the side effects of crossing a stasis field with a warp. The resulting explosion had been devastating enough for people who were not dressed in armor.

Blinking back the last of the fury that had come over him, Kaidan took one last look, imprinting the results on his memory. There were lessons to be learned from this. Lessons he wasn't ready to deal with just yet, but that would come with time. Right now he had other things that needed doing before he could take the time to consider his actions in full.

Exiting the room, Kaidan closed the door behind him. If he was lucky - and so far, he had been in several ways - he'd bought himself some time. The boss' meetings were infamous for going on for a long time, followed by individual meetings to go over specifics of the plans. They were also held on the far side of the warehouse, away from the remainder of the members of the organization. The boss had been strict about that; only those specified for a mission were to be involved in the planning. It didn't pay to be too curious in this profession.

Moving quickly, Kaidan now calmly made his way to his room. Once inside, he grabbed his bag and shoved the few belongings he had inside. Only once he was certain he had everything and anything that could possibly be connected to him did he leave, exiting without a word to anyone else and making his way outside through one of the back doors.

From the first step forward, he didn't look back once.

He'd become good at running after leaving BAaT. Relying on alias' that hadn't been used for some time, he was fairly certain his journey back home went unnoticed by anyone who might have gone looking for him. With that in mind, he also didn't bother to try contacting his parents until he was Earthside. No sense in taking undue risks. But with his arrival in Vancouver, Kaidan finally broke his silence and made a call. When the voice at the other end answered, he felt his chest tighten in response … but in a good way.

-=oOo=-

Kaidan stood in the center of his room, turning slowly, the clock rolling backwards in his mind. Truly, it didn't look as if anything had changed since the day he'd left for BAaT when he was sixteen. Well, he noted with a small chuckle of fondness as he ran a finger along the top of his dresser that came away clean, perhaps his mother had dusted daily.

He set his bag against the wall before crossing the room. He was just reaching for the book on the night table when he heard a heavy step at the open doorway. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw his father pause, eyes meeting his. They'd not said much since his return, though the greeting between them had been welcoming and warm enough.

"Your mom kept the room for you," Mikhail observed.

Kaidan smiled. "So I see."

"She always believed you'd find your way home."

Kaidan sighed, head falling just a bit as he recalled the reasons for his departure, for staying away, and for his return. Perhaps one day he would talk about it with his dad, but today was not that day. Instead, "Dad - I'm sorry."

A hand at his shoulder a moment later had him looking up again. Without a word, Mikhail pulled his son close; Kaidan stepped into the embrace and for the first time in years, truly felt at home.

Later that evening, after a meal of his favorites (or, at least how his mother remembered them to be), Kaidan readied himself for bed. Problem was, though, he wasn't all that tired. Despite the stress of recent events, and the that he physically felt exhausted, his brain just would not settle. After tossing and turning for a while, he sat back up and reached over for the book that had been sitting there since the last time he'd used it for such purposes. It had been a favorite of his great great great grandfather's, and a frequent companion in his youth. Turning on the light, he opened the book to the last marked page … and was surprised when a folded piece of paper fell onto his lap. Curious, because he had no recollection of having left it inside of the book, he retrieved it, opened it up and read.

The handwriting was what struck him first. Elegant for a time when most people relied solely on datapads and the like for communications. Neat. Precise. Feminine. He had a good guess who had left it. The initials at the bottom certainly hinted at it. The fact that she'd left a message for him, despite not knowing him, surprised him to a point … but ultimately, he found a sort of comfort in her words. Kaidan didn't know much about what had happened here before his return, but when he had confronted his father earlier that evening about it, while his mother was cleaning dishes and was otherwise occupied, Mikhail had confirmed that their guest had helped save them.

"She left just a couple of days ago," Mikhail told him. "Enlisted on her birthday, the moment she was old enough."

Kaidan watched his father closely. "Was she … is she alright after what happened?" he asked. He knew how the responsibility of killing could weigh upon someone as young as her … or him. Was he not a prime example of that?

Mikhail's response had confused Kaidan at first. "Son, she knew better how to deal with it than most marines I knew while I was in the service. She was not inexperienced."

Though his father had not gone into details, he'd been resolute in his opinion. "Serafina was one to hold her past close to her," he explained. "The night this happened, she did mention to your mother some of her past, but your mother has not broken whatever trust she may have had with her to tell me. Then again, I saw the results of what she did." His eyes darkened. "Serafina will be fine."

As Kaidan settled back now, his eyes upon the scrap before him while he reread the message, he had his doubts. However, there wasn't much he could do about it at this point in time. Perhaps one day they would meet. She might come to visit the orchard. The way his mother talked about her, there was a definite fondness for her and an open invitation to visit. If that day ever came, he supposed he could judge then and, should she need it, offer her the same peace of mind that her words offered him now.


	6. Everybody's Sin

Routine became her best friend. From the moment she arrived at basic, Serafina fell into the rhythm of the military. The first few weeks focused on fitness. Physical training. Martial arts skills. Honing abilities and expanding upon experience. The necessities of survival as a soldier. The core values of being a good marine. It was also became a time for sorting, as both naval and marine recruits started basic together, by the end of the first month those more suited to ground pounding were directed along that path, the others towards naval service.

Next came the weapons training. Though certain of the path she wished to take, now came the time to experiment with the possibilities. To test, to train, to be certain. Competency was quickly identified and noted. She was trained on the use of various weapons, encouraged to try them all, but she found the rifle to be her first choice, the pistol a reluctant but necessary second. Once this was resolved, she had only to prove herself to move on.

The only black note on her record, and even then it was only regarded as 'grey,' came when she and the other recruits were sent off to work on combat driving skills. Back on Mindoir, Serafina had just been learning to operate a vehicle at the time of the batarian slaver attack. She'd been out in the vehicle only three times (battling her twin for time behind the wheel had been an altogether different sort of war of a more private nature), and afterwards the focus and desire to learn just had not been there. Her skills, therefore, were minimal at best, though the various vehicles they were being trained on were somewhat forgiving. But despite that, once the sergeant pulled her aside and discovered the truth of the matter, he ordered her to take up additional lessons. She readily agreed without protest.

After graduation, she was sent off to learn the fine points of how to be a good officer. A leader. More weeks spent learning and understanding about leadership. About command. Battlefield strategies and tactics. She developed an appreciation for the lessons of the past and theories of warfare. Already an avid reader, her list continued to grow.

But it was when she was sent off to sniper school that things took an interesting turn.

"Hey, Shepard. That's two you owe me now."

Serafina ignored the fuss going on around her. Instead, she kept her eyes on the board, took aim and released her grip ….

"Bull's eye!" one of the others chirruped gleefully.

Swallowing back a smug smirk, though it was well deserved, Serafina glanced over at her opponent. "You were saying, Coats?"

He sniffed. "Right … one then. Unless you want to try again? All or nothing? Same stakes as before?"

Serafina rolled her eyes before walking over to remove the darts from the board. "Your loss," she pointed out. "I'm just getting warmed up."

"Hey, Coats, … didn't she take you for like three rounds the other night?"

"Belt up, Granger," Coats grumbled.

Serafina returned and placed three darts in his hand. "I did," she confirmed. Of course, she'd promptly used those three rounds to buy drinks for the friends who'd been cheering her on. "So … is that a yes to another go?" The challenge in her tone was subtle. "Or have you had enough?"

Turning, Coats faced her. Nose to nose. "This isn't the weapons range," he reminded her.

Without blinking, she returned evenly, "No holds barred."

"You're on."

It began as a best out of three competition, but rapidly descended to a 'winner by x number of points' with 'x' continuously changing downwards until the end of the evening rolled around. Between them, they even agreed to switch to opposite hands to make it more challenging, but still the battle raged on. The bartender was calling time when Coats took it to another level altogether.

Serafina, on the other hand, had been expecting something like this. He'd made it clear from almost the moment they'd met he was interested in her, though he hadn't been pushy about it. For her part, Serafina found him to be interesting, just … not what she was interested in. She preferred him as a friend, nothing more. He'd promised to change her mind. She'd wished him luck in the attempt.

Now preparing her last toss for the evening, Serafina raised her arm and took aim. Hers would be the last and deciding throw. If she did well, she could win the entire thing (the degree of separation between points was ridiculously low now). If not, they would need to be finding a way to resolve this some other way.

Eyes forward and focused on the board, she caught a small movement in her peripheral vision, though she did her best to ignore it. And then he leaned in and murmured right next to her ear as she drew back, "Maybe we ought to move this little competition some place where we can have a tiebreaker …." It took a great deal of willpower on her part of things to keep her focus on the board in the distance as she released.

Only once the missile was out of her hand did she turn to face him. The whooping cheer that roared up around them, several others had since joined the gathering crowd to watch, told her the outcome. Pressing an index finger against his lips which were entirely too close for comfort just then, she leaned in and did her best to purr, "You were saying?" When she pulled back there was a smirk on her lips. She had known approximately where her dart would land. The cheering simply verified that her aim had been true. Lowering her finger and pulling up her thumb so she could tweak his chin, she concluded quietly, "I think that makes me the winner this evening." She chuckled softly as his head turned just enough, his forehead resting against hers for a moment, before he groaned in dismay.

Pulling away, Coats made to pay for the three rounds he owed her and Serafina turned towards those who had gathered and gave them an overly exaggerated bow. "Thank you, thank you," she laughed while twirling her arms in a bit of a flourish.

But where the night might have ended, Coats was quick to find her before she left. "Hang on, Shepard. I'll walk back with you."

Within moments, they were walking out the door together. Serafina suspected he was wanting to talk. He didn't disappoint. "So … about before …."

Serafina sighed. "Look, Coats, I'm flattered that you think -"

He stopped walking and reached out to grasp her arm, gently and without force or intent, but clearly with purpose. She stopped and turned to face him. Lifting her eyes to look into his, she told him, "I can't, Coats. I just … I can't." She hated the disappointment she saw in his eyes then, but there wasn't anything that could be done about it.

"All right," he replied after a moment. "I can accept that … respect it even. Can you tell me why, though?"

Serafina felt a chill wash through her leaving her cold to the bone. Swallowing tightly, her eyes closed before dropping so he couldn't see. "No," she rasped after a moment. "I … just … no."

He moved to wrap an arm around her when he saw her shaking. "Shepard … hey, it's okay," he reassured her. "You don't have to … not if you don't -"

"I can't." She opened her eyes again, lifting them to meet his. "It isn't that I don't want to … well, maybe I don't, but I just …." She shuddered again and felt his arm tighten. "I can't."

Coats started leading her back towards the barracks. "Okay, you can't," he echoed. "That's fine. We'll leave it at that."

But it wasn't. Serafina knew this. It was something she was going to have to face, one of these days. So far, ever since that night on Mindoir, it hadn't been so important. But now … now the truth of her denial was beginning to show. Now it was starting to affect her in unexpected ways. Would it become an issue for her once she had her own command?

"You once asked me why I was such a good shot," she began slowly, unconsciously, fearfully even. Swallowing past nerves, she held his gaze as she gave him at least this much. "Three days … when I was sixteen … I shot anyone or anything that came near me." Her voice was cracking now. She couldn't tell him all of it. Of how she couldn't let anyone that near ever again. That to do so would be to place her in a position to lose them again like she had her family; a situation that would, should it ever happen again, be impossible to live beyond. One that she knew better than to place herself in to begin with. It was difficult enough keeping her 'friends' at arms length for the same reasons.

Coats frowned. "Three days?" he echoed.

Serafina nodded. "Mindoir." She watched his eyes widen in understanding. "I was up a tree. Mostly batarians. There was some animal … I forget now what it was." Her laugh was nearly a strangled sob. "That was the morning of the third day. I was so hungry … but then another batarian came close … I …."

When his arms dropped from her shoulders, Serafina winced. _Everybody sins_, she recalled the preacher on Mindoir sermonizing one Sunday. At that time of her life, she hadn't been able to really grasp that concept. Now ….

"I'm so sorry."

Her head snapped up, eyes widening a bit in surprise. "What?"

"Mindoir," he told her quietly. "I remember hearing about it when I was in school. At home with the folks. I didn't know anyone had survived."

Serafina sighed. Shaking her head, she murmured, "No one did. Not outside Alliance circles, that is. They kept it quiet. To keep me safe from the batarians, I guess. I don't really know." Her shoulders moved slightly. "All I know is I learned how to kill those nights alone. My father had taught me to use a gun when I was younger, but those three nights taught me how to use that skill to survive." She'd killed quickly, quietly, indiscriminately. She'd almost killed her rescuers, though Anderson had once told her there was no grudge held in that regard.

She stood there with him for a long moment before Coats shifted, his arm sliding around her shoulders again, tugging her up against his side. "Well," he drawled out, attempting a some sort of brevity to lighten the movement, "I can still try to convince you … can't I?"

And in that moment, Serafina learned something. Leaning up on her toes, she pressed a light kiss to his cheek, whispering, "Thank you," … and saw him blush in return. Wrapping her arm around his waist, she leaned into his side as they began walking again. Despite sins of the past, true friendship could provide some solace and peace.

A few weeks later, successfully graduated tied at the top of her class and enroute to her first assignment, Serafina sent a brief message to Mikhail and Katryn. _Bull's eye._

* * *

Routine at the orchard was something he'd become familiar with from his youth. It was, as the old saying went, like riding a bicycle: something one never forgot. Rising with the sun, working long days outside, side-by-side with nature, tending things and making them grow …. The day he stepped back onto land that had belonged to his family for generations, it felt, and literally was, like coming home.

And yet, despite the heritage and history, the knowing and experience, Kaidan wasn't sure it was a life that was meant for him.

What it did, however, was buy him time. Time to think. Time to consider. Time to evaluate. He needed the time to look in depth at what had happened - both at BAaT and on Elysium. And the more he thought on it, the more he felt the weight of responsibility pushing down on his shoulders. Not so much for the actions he'd taken (which he accepted completely), but the responsibility for the power that he quite literally and figuratively held at his fingertips.

_Power to take a life._

_Power to protect those who wanted or needed protecting._

_Power to do good or bad, based on the decisions he made leading up to the choice to employ such power._

Each morning when he rose for the day, Kaidan would enter the kitchen to find his mother cooking breakfast for him and his dad. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," had always been her motto, and it was nice to see that some things hadn't changed during his absence.

But it also provided him with a daily reminder of the delicate balance that constantly wavered between responsibility and power. Running after BAaT had been irresponsible. Allowing himself to be pulled into a situation where he could be manipulated in such a way had been irresponsible. Placing those he loved and cared about most into a position where they became targets in order to force his hand had been irresponsible.

From now on, each and every time he looked at his mother or father, Kaidan knew he would have to deal with the oppressive weight of guilt for having allowed it to happen. Where he'd thought he'd accepted the consequences for his actions at BAaT, he began to realize he hadn't. The blame for the actions themselves wasn't even the issue, not really. That he'd owned up to at the time. Admitted. Accepted. Dealt with. No, where he'd erred had been in thinking that it was his biotics that were to blame. Because of that, he'd taken to hiding of them. Refusing to use them even in situations that they might have helped. He'd learned to keep them under control and out of the way so that the temptation to misuse them would never exist.

Arrogance, he'd found, was a sin. And he'd been arrogant, thinking he'd kept the biotics under tight control. Believing he'd be able to make his way without them ever again. Deluding himself into thinking he could survive without them. All it had taken was a threat against those he loved …. Kaidan had paid the price for his arrogance. Or, rather, his family almost had. It certainly hadn't been for lack of trying on the attackers' parts from the sounds of it either. His father had implied that if it hadn't been for Serafina, they would not have survived. But as Kaidan viewed it, if it hadn't been for him running in the first place, his parents would never have had need to take Serafina in …

-=oOo=-

Solace came in doing a job well, he found. Of having a place to be. Of fitting in, sort of. He had that again, possibly even more so now than when they'd first discovered his biotics when he was a kid. Back then, his father had become distant, unable to relate to something he didn't understand. Perhaps carrying his own guilt for it happening in the first place. After all, they'd been in Singapore at the time because of Mihail's service in the Alliance. It struck Kaidan now that he could, possibly, understand how such an event might have affected his father.

"Son?"

Kaidan jumped, startled. Turning, his cheeks slightly pink at having been caught unaware, he managed an apologetic smile even as his father did the same. "Sorry," Mikhail said first.

Kaidan nodded. "I'm almost done in here," he explained, gesturing around the room. He'd taken to reorganizing the greenhouse. The last bit of cleanup since the night of the attack, as his father had explained earlier. It was his penance, Kaidan thought. One of his own choosing, more or less. "Did you need something?"

Kaidan watched his father's eyes as he looked around. There was a hint of sadness there, but also something more. Something he couldn't quite label just yet. "I was hoping you might be able to help me out with a project."

Kaidan followed his father outside to find the truck parked nearby. When his father walked to the back end, he moved up beside him, glancing over the side to find …. "Seedlings." There weren't many, he noted. Certainly no more than a half dozen. And they were young. But they looked strong and healthy at first glance, still in their pots and awaiting transplantation.

"I need to get them in the ground," Mikhail explained. "Thought maybe you could help me?"

"Sure, Dad," Kaidan replied before moving around to get inside the truck. Mikhail got in on the other side and began driving. "Replacements?" Kaidan asked after a while.

"An experiment," Mikhail returned simply.

They spent the rest of the afternoon in quiet but companionable silence while they worked. By the time evening began to roll over, they were finishing with the last tree. It was as they were loading up their gear into the truck that Kaidan asked, "What kind of experiment?"

Mikhail chuckled. "Wondered if the curiosity would get to you."

Kaidan rubbed a hand at the back of his neck as he blushed, but in the end he smiled at his father. "Would you buy 'professional interest?'" he countered.

Shaking his head, Mikhail reached into the truck and pulled out a bottle of water that he passed over to Kaidan before reaching for one for himself. "If I thought you might stay and make this your life," he observed, "maybe. But I think we both know that isn't going to happen."

Startled, Kaidan turned to search his father's gaze. "How do you … I'm not even sure myself," he managed after a moment.

"Aren't you?" Mikhail asked. Crossing his arms, he leaned back against the vehicle, nodding over at his son. "Tell me, what's the first thing you do every morning?"

"Dad," Kaidan protested, "I -"

"Just answer the question, Kaidan. Once you're up, what's the first thing you do?"

"I'm assuming you're not referring to me brushing my teeth."

Mikhail chuckled. "Not quite, no."

Sighing, Kaidan turned to stare off into the distance, the scenic view a focus for his thoughts.

"And there you prove my point."

His father's words interrupting his thoughts, Kaidan blinked and glanced over at him. "What do you mean?" he countered.

"Every morning, when you come down for breakfast. You sit there, sometimes your mother has to call your name a couple of times to get your attention when she's passing the bacon over, but you get that same exact look on your face. Grim determination. One that shouts, 'I'm in control.'"

Kaidan opened his mouth to respond, but found that he had no words to escape. Was that what his father really thought?

"One that says, 'I've learned from my mistakes,'" Mikhail added quietly.

Kaidan's eyes closed. "Dad …."

"Have you?" Mikhail asked, cutting Kaidan's protests off before they began.

Kaidan hesitated.

"It's not arrogance to admit you've learned from them," Mikhail reminded him.

Sighing, Kaidan nodded. "I think so," he admitted.

Several more minutes of silence passed. When the sun dipped beyond the edge of the mountains, silent agreement had them ducking back into the truck and turning towards the house.

"You have a gift, you know."

Kaidan frowned. "More like a curse," he observed flatly.

"No, son," Mikhail corrected, "a gift. How you decide to use that gift is completely up to you, of course. But, knowing you, I have no doubt you can find a way to turn it around and view it differently."

This time the silence lasted until the truck came to a halt beside the house. "Why did you do it?"

The question came completely out of the blue, but Kaidan understood. "Kill Vyrnnus you mean?"

Mikhail shook his head. "Defend her. Why? Look deep, son, and you'll find the answer. And when you do, you'll find your purpose." Turning to exit the vehicle, Mikhail paused and added, "Besides, if you truly thought it a curse, do you think you could have come home to us?"

-=oOo=-

It took him the rest of the summer and a lot of soul searching, but by the time the harvest was beginning, Kaidan thought he'd come up with the answers he was seeking. Mikhail did not seem surprised in the least when he told him.

"I'm going to enlist, Dad."

Mikhail looked up from his desk, eyes tilting over the edge of his reading glasses as he met his son's gaze. "You're certain of this?"

Kaidan nodded and stepped into the room. "I think … I know I can do some good."

Rising, Mikhail set his glasses aside and walked around the side of the desk. Reaching out, he extended his hand towards his son. Kaidan took it instantly. "I have no doubts that you can, Kaidan. No doubts at all."


	7. You Got to Lose

_It begins with a ground-shaking rumble that sounds more like the thunder before a Mindoirian summer storm. She stands beside Commander Gage, her squad at her back. Just returned from a security sweep, she has told him it's safe to make camp. Instinct has them staring upwards looking for the first hints of rain, but there's not a cloud in the sky …._

_Sudden, tortured screams. Gunfire exploding around them. The sounds of battle intensify even as they search for the true enemy … and then they get their first, full view of the monstrosity as it breaks free from the earth below. They came to Akuze to offer assistance, to rescue a lost pioneer team. No one even thinks that by the end of the day they will the ones needing rescuing themselves. _

_One by one, they are taken down. There's no time for horror or fear; she pulls out her sniper rifle to defend. She breaks her squad into pieces: two to the left, two to the right. She will hold the center with Commander Gage …._

_She falls to the ground moments later, though it takes a second longer to realize that it's because the Commander has shoved her to the side. She looks back in confusion, not understanding what it is that he wants her to do. Her eyes lift to his face and there she finds him shouting something ... feels the horror take over as he begins to dissolve directly in front of her, the acid eating through armor and flesh as if it were nothing._

_Stumbling on her own now, she scrambles away, but the memory will not fade. More screams. Shouts of defiance that, while a boost to morale for the attempt, do nothing but fade with the others. Explosions as the maw's attack hits one of the ground vehicles in just the right place. There is nowhere safe to run. Too late, she realizes there is no one left to flee but her. She calls out, shouting their names above the din, but there are no replies. She makes it over to one of the vehicles, practically falling inside without care, not noticing the sharp pain or the warm moistness that begins rolling down her cheek as a metal edge catches the flesh her beneath her eye, tearing a ragged edge. _

_Fingers trained over the past few years press the buttons on her omni-tool, opening the channel to anyone who will listen, everyone on that line. She signals a mayday, calling out names, locations, and sending the navpoint to the ship. She is instructed to hold on at all costs. But how?_

_She climbs into the turret in the back of the vehicle, hissing as the maw's acid leaks through an already corrosion-pocked roof and hits her armor, eating through before she notices this delayed attack. _

_The pain helps her focus. Life is the evolution of pain in different stages, she knows this much already. Death - life - it's all part of the process. She has lived and breathed this since she was sixteen. It is as familiar to her as an old friend._

_Maneuvering the gun into position, she adjusts the angle, takes aim once it's set. Before she takes the shot, though, she sees a familiar face wavering before her eyes …. _

-=oOo=-

Serafina bolted upright with a loud, rasping gasp, her twin's name bit back only at the last second. She ignored throbbing waves of throbbing pain beneath bandage-wrapped flesh, persistent and deep felt aches that reminded her of what was lost. She was unfamiliar with her surroundings, but she could at least recognize that she was no longer on Akuze. Sagging back, she sank into the pillow, eyes closing again until the haunting memories chase them open once more.

_Akuze_.

Rolling over onto her side, Serafina allowed her gaze to drift over to the window and try to get lost in the darkness of space beyond.

"That was a pretty near thing, Lieutenant," a familiar voice commented, pulling her from her reverie.

Startled, Serafina sought out the source. "Sir," she rasped, her throat still raw from yelling over the noise and chaos groundside. It was a wonder her message had gotten out at all, even after repeating herself so many times. Her ears still rang from the roars of the thresher maw.

"Relax, Shepard," Anderson ordered as he moved over to her bedside. "You've earned a bit of a rest."

Serafina shook her head. "No, sir. Not when I got my whole unit -"

"This wasn't your fault, Shepard," he insisted. "If you have to blame it on something, blame it on bad intel."

"But, sir, I was responsible for security that night -"

He lifted a hand and her protests fell silent. He could tell her all he wanted how it wasn't her fault, but Serafina knew better. This would be something to haunt her the rest of her days. If necessary, she would have to make sure it was when she was alone.

"Here," Anderson continued after a moment, pressing a datapad into her hands. "This might interest you."

Frowning, Serafina took it in hand and began to read. Comprehension came slowly; not because of injuries or for any medical reasons, but rather because disbelief hit her hard. "What is this?" she breathed.

Anderson chuckled. "What does it look like?"

"Sir," she began to protest wondering if he had somehow read her mind before and was now trying to distract her from those thoughts, "this can't be right. I'm not even remotely qualified to be considered for -"

The moment his hand covered hers, clasping it tightly, she looked up. His demeanor had changed completely. So much so that it had the unexpected side effect of keeping her silent. "I've had my eye on you since I first met you, Shepard," he told her somberly. "Despite what happened on Mindoir, despite the conditions and your surroundings, despite your lack of training, you managed what many a marine could not. Where you lacked in skills, you more than made up for in instinct. The day you chose to enlist in the Alliance, I knew you would end up here. Sooner, rather than later. You have earned the right to try. The rest will be up to you."

Swallowing past a tightness in her throat, Serafina reread the letter. ICT. N School. A chance to be something more than just a soldier. Twice, her life had fallen down around her, attempting to take her into the ashes with it. Twice now, she'd found her way out, surviving to live and fight another day. A sign that this was meant to be, perhaps? Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes for a long moment and debated silently inside her head. When she opened them again less than a minute later, Anderson nodded at the look he found there. "Good," he told her. "You're going to need that attitude to get through training."

She nodded once before replying simply, "Yes, sir."

* * *

Kaidan was a bit surprised at how easily he could find solace in the routine of boot camp. Then again, he was several years older than most of the other recruits, so perhaps it had to do with that? The training was easy enough if you paid attention, and that he did. Early on, he was identified for his technical abilities and targeted for that specialization in training. And where he thought his biotic abilities might become more of an issue rather than an aid, he found … acceptance. Of a sort, at any rate.

He was halfway through basic before he was approached regarding his biotics. As it turned out, there were three others in his class of recruits who had similar abilities. Though they continued training with the main body of recruits, they were pulled aside into a separate biotics training program, one geared towards use of biotics in warfare. Kaidan knew none of the other three. At first, he'd thought that might be for the best. No one would know or remember what he'd done at BAaT, of the mistakes he'd made. No possible way to connect him with anything but his current behavioral trends. The past could stay safely buried.

Then again, Kaidan soon discovered he had very little in common with the other recruits, both those who were biotic and those who were not. On the other hand, not knowing any of the others and them not knowing him made it easier for him to hide just how strong of a biotic he actually was. They all knew he was an L2 of course. That was difficult to hide, especially once the migraines began. But one of the first things Kaidan notice this time was that the people in charge _had_ learned from the experiences at BAaT. While they pushed hard, they were not as demanding or harsh as Commander Vyrnnus had been. Kaidan had no trouble at all keeping the promise he'd made to himself to keep his biotics under control. He learned to use just enough force behind them to make them an asset as a soldier, but beyond that he kept a lid on them.

After boot camp, Kaidan was directed to officer's school. There, he continued on with both his biotics and technical training in addition to the courses to teach him how to be a good officer. Kaidan was given the opportunity to become familiar with a variety of security protocols and, in the end, shared some of the ones he'd come across and worked with while on Elysium. Thankfully, his superiors did not ask any questions regarding his knowledge of them.

After graduation, Kaidan received his first orders. Thus began his military career. His first assignment was groundside, but after that the Alliance started assigning him to active duty aboard ships. Traveling wherever they were needed, the nature of the missions varied. Humanitarian missions became frequent; they rescued a broken down ship of colonists bound for the Traverse and aided them to their final destination. When a huge storm hit a large area on Terra Nova and caused considerable damage, they were sent in to assist with the cleanup and restoration of normalcy. There were pirate raids on colonies. The escorting of political dignitaries. The enforcement of Alliance law in newer colonial settlements, or assistance of. Throughout it all, Kaidan focused his efforts on keeping his biotics under control and being the best soldier he could be.

But it came at a cost.

Once or twice over these early years, situations had arisen where afterwards, Kaidan found himself looking back at the decisions he'd made. Not so much in what he'd done as what he'd _not_ done. There had been a time or two, for example when they'd assisted one of the colonies against an attack by some pirates, when Kaidan hadn't wondered if full use of his biotic potential might not have been called for. The situation had been tight, good men were lost in the battles, but in the long run, Kaidan had always held back. It was after times like this that he found himself doubting his self-imposed restrictions.

During one extended shore leave, Kaidan traveled back home to visit with his parents, hoping that he might find some of the answers he sought in a familiar place. While out in the orchard working with his father one afternoon, he found himself asking Mikhail about it. "Dad, when you served in the Alliance … was there ever a time when you knew there was more you could have done in a situation but you … held back? Didn't do all you could?"

Mikhail glanced over at his son. "Kept something in reserve?" he asked.

Kaidan shook his head. "No … not so much that," he sought to explain. "More … I don't know. More like the situation was bad enough you were losing people, but …."

"Ah." Mikhail turned to face his son. He had a good guess as to what this was about. "Let me ask you this instead, Kaidan. If you hadn't 'held back,' if you'd given everything that you could in that moment, would it have made any difference in the outcome of your mission?"

Kaidan opened his mouth to reply immediately but caught himself before he did. Instinct, or maybe desperation, had him wanting to reply,_Yes._ Saving lives would have been a good thing, right? But Kaidan was intelligent enough to realize that his father was expecting him to evaluate the _entire_ situation before he replied.

As he did so, Mikhail continued, "You and I both know that there will be times when we lose those around us. Civilians, squadmates, friends. A mission gone bad. Faulty intel. Just plain bad luck. It's easy to fall into the habit of saying, 'I should have done this. It would have saved their lives.' But the real question you need to be asking yourself is, would it have changed the overall outcome? Did you achieve your objective despite your inaction? Sure, saving their lives would be a good thing, but at what cost? Would it be worth it to save a life over here only to lose a group of colonists over there?"

Nodding, Kaidan glanced over at him. "We did achieve our objective," he admitted. "It took longer, we lost several people - _our_ people - in the process, but we achieved our goal."

Mikhail nodded. "And would you still have achieved your objective had you used your biotics to the fullest extent possible?"

It didn't surprise Kaidan in the least that a hypothetical question had turned into his father knowing exactly what he was about. How many times had his father done this over the years? "I … I don't know. People might have lived, certainly. Beyond that …?"

"And others might have died? Your goal might not have been reached?" Mikhail asked.

Kaidan sighed and turned away. "I see your point," he murmured after a moment.

Mikhail moved over to stand beside him, hand rising to rest on Kaidan's shoulder. "A soldier will always have moments of doubt, son," he told him. "Especially good officers who end up losing people under their command. It's never easy. As for your biotics …" Mikhail sighed. The biotics were something he'd never fully understood. "Well, only you can be the final judge on that. But just remember, when you have these moments. Ask yourself - would it have made a difference to being successful in your overall mission?"

Kaidan nodded again, but his eyes were staring off in the distance, his thoughts evaluating everything that had happened. It was something he would have to give serious consideration to.

After a moment longer, Mikhail clapped his son's shoulder again. "Now come on. Your mother has some big welcome home meal planned for you tonight. She'll kill me if we're late."

Chuckling, Kaidan turned towards the truck. There were times like now when he thought his mother might have made a good marine the way she managed to keep him and his dad in line. "We'd best not keep her waiting then," he replied.


	8. Know How to Win

N School,_ Interplanetary Combatives Training_, 'the villa.' Whatever it was called, it was hell. A little over a year's worth, to be precise. It tested Serafina for every skill and technique that she had, and some she hadn't known she had. But when she made it - step by step, level by level, until finally earning her way to the top and proving to herself, her commanders and the rest of the galaxy she could do it - she thought she'd passed the most difficult test that she might ever have to face.

She was wrong.

Every year, the Systems Alliance held what they called their Foundation Day Ball, a celebratory event commemorating the unification of the nations and creation of the Alliance. Multiple events were planned from one end of Alliance territory to the other, but Serafina had always managed to find herself on duty, off on a mission or otherwise engaged so that she would never have to attend. For eight years now, she'd missed events … but this year? No such luck. Anderson had specifically requested her presence. There was no way she could avoid it. Some sort of acknowledgement of her survival on Akuze and subsequent success at ICT, or so he told her. Whatever the reason - and really, that wasn't her main concern or focus; she could make it through that easily enough - she found herself facing a crisis.

The ball was being held on Arcturus Station. As locations for such events went, it was an ideal location. The center of Systems Alliance politics and military, where else would be better? It also helped that Serafina shared an apartment there with several friends from basic training, so she had lodgings and access to her things. That wasn't a big deal either. Her formal dress blues had even been updated with her latest promotion, so that was set. Miracle of miracles, she even had an easy time lining up a date for the evening. Again, no big deal. She could handle the hobknobbing with the upper brass and political representatives. She had learned manners in her youth, after all.

No, what terrified the Staff Lieutenant above anything else as she made her way to the ball with her escort was the thought of having to dance.

But not for the reasons, one might expect.

Serafina had grown up in a family that enjoyed relaxing together, playing music, singing together, dancing. Music in all shapes, sizes and forms had been familiar in the Shepard home. She and her twin often would entertain their parents and grandparents with 'dances' they'd made up to songs created by the others before pulling out a variety of instruments to play for the rest of the evening.

No, the dancing normally wouldn't have been an issue.

Save one thing: the night of the batarian slaver attack, when the entire colony had pulled together to celebrate the harvest, the end to another successful year's battle against nature, she'd been dancing in the square with other members of her family, friends, neighbors. Dancing with the boy she'd had her eye on for the past few months since school had started. The boy that Kaysey had finally convinced Serafina liked her in return. They'd been dancing together, awkwardly at first but soon moving with assured steps. And then the attack hit. It had been that boy, the one who Serafina could no longer remember his name because it was too painful, who had shoved her to the far side of the square, into the brush on the outer edge so that she could scramble away. He'd been the one to ensure her escape.

And every single time Serafina thought about dancing since, his face popped up right in front of her. She began to shake, her breath to become erratic, her stomach would roll to and fro, and her head begin to spin.

"Coats," she'd hissed as they entered the ballroom together.

Coats chuckled and reached a hand up to pat hers. "Relax, Shepard," he murmured. "I've got your back, remember?"

That had been at the beginning of the evening. Well before the drinking had begun. Before the accolades lauded to her and many others for their achievements over the past year that displayed the Alliance to the best advantages possible. Before the floor had cleared out … and the dancing had begun.

As she'd suspected might happen, despite her most valiant attempts, she was eventually cornered and could no longer put off the inevitable.

"Staff Lieutenant."

Serafina was standing beside Coats, Granger and one other from their sniper school days who had managed to get invited to the ball this year when Staff Commander Anderson approached. Immediately, she felt her stomach sink, even as Coats gave her a reassuring smile. "Sir?"

Extending his hand, Anderson reached for hers. Serafina could swear she saw a glint of humor in his eyes. Of all the people in attendance, he might be the only one to put two and two together …. "May I have this dance?"

The look he gave Coats then brooked no argument and Serafina knew she'd just lost. "Of course, sir," she managed, hoping her voice didn't sound as shaky as she felt just then. Coats knew only a little about the importance of her wish to not dance. But even that wasn't enough to get him past the request of a superior officer.

Taking Anderson's arm, Serafina followed him out onto the dance floor. In the few moments between numbers, as the others around them began to prepare, Serafina stared up at her mentor. "You did that on purpose," she managed softly.

Anderson chuckled. "Perhaps a little," he confessed. "On the other hand, who else would understand your hesitations better?"

Serafina shuddered. She'd been in the tattered remnants of the dress from the festival when he'd found her. Shoes long lost by the time she'd fled home, she hadn't had time to change before reaching for her father's rifle and ammunition. She'd spent three long, cold nights up a tree with only the tatters of a dress to clothe her. A dress that had been meant for a party ….

Shuddering again, Serafina resisted as Anderson's hand moved to settle at her waist. "Sir," she rasped, her eyes glazing over with memories, "I … I can't."

"Shepard, you have to move on sometime," Anderson advised gently.

"No …," her voice half squeaked and half croaked as she forcibly pulled herself from him, turned away and fled. One hand lifting her skirt high so she wouldn't trip, she ran like the very demons were pursuing her … and perhaps they were ….

* * *

Since his discussion with his father, Kaidan had been able to find a way to put things into proper perspective. Focus finally in place, he'd been building a reputation among his superiors as a steadfast and reliable officer; one whom now sported numerous commendations on his record (some he felt were hardly necessary but they had been approved nonetheless). And yet, Kaidan was quick to note that those were not the reasons he was in attendance this evening. No, quite to his surprise when his ship had docked at Arcturus for a scheduled maintenance check, a pair of invitations had been waiting for him and a companion of his choice for the evening. Staff Commander Anderson's doing, he suspected.

Staff Commander Anderson.

Still a bit uncertain as to exactly why or how he would end up at such a prestigious event, especially for a young officer such as himself, Kaidan couldn't say that he really minded. His companion for the evening was a trusted friend, after all, and the others at their table proved to be good company for the night. But still, Kaidan felt … perplexed? Someone like him finding himself surrounded by the elite of the Systems Alliance? How far he'd come since the days of BAaT….

He watched the events of the evening with passing interest as people came and went. He recognized the Staff Commander as he got up to speak about one of his latest proteges. Anderson was an old friend of his father's, one whom Kaidan had come to respect over the years. One whom, the last time they'd spoken nearly a year before, apparently had his eye on getting Kaidan under his command one day. But that was a topic of discussion best left for the future.

So far this evening, Kaidan had found it interesting enough. Though not a huge fan of pomp and circumstance, he had to admit that he'd been enjoying it for the most part. Well, at least up until just before the dancing had begun. At that point, a migraine, his old and very familiar nemesis, had started to make an appearance. After excusing himself from his companion for the evening and the rest of those at their table, he'd sought refuge out along the balconies overlooking the centre of the political wing of the station in the hopes that being away from the center of the noise and crowds the headache might dissipate somewhat.

He was standing off to the far side, staring down below at some majestic (and surely overly priced which now resulted in higher taxing) fountain/statue display sort of thing when he heard a sharp sound to his far left. Glancing over, he noticed a young woman stumbling out of the doorway, collapsing to her knees just before reaching the railing. Concerned for her safety (could she still go sailing over the edge?), Kaidan hurried over, kneeling beside her. His hand at her shoulder, he asked, "Are you alright?" He felt tremors violently coursing through her. Reaching out, he began to turn her to face him wondering at what he might find so far as damage went. He'd barely gotten a peek at her face when he realized he recognized her. Anderson's protege. "Ma'am? Are you alright?" he asked again, recollecting that her rank was at least one grade above his.

She shuddered again. "Y-yes," she managed after a moment.

But contrary to her words, she collapsed forward, falling towards him. Kaidan moved quickly, his arms moving around her to keep her from injury. Surveying her features quickly, he could see how nearly deathly pale she was, almost as if shock was setting in. Schooled in basic first aid like all recruits, Kaidan had taken an interest in picking up some additional training in field medicine over the past year. It was now proving to be of some use. "Staff Lieutenant Shepard, wasn't it?" he asked, his hand moving to check to be certain the moisture along her brow was not caused by fever of some sort.

Eyes closed, she nodded. "Shepard is fine," she whispered.

"Are you injured, Shepard?" he asked, his hand now running down her arms and sides, continuing on down her legs as well as he could given that she was in a skirt. "Did you hurt yourself?"

Her head shook, barely, he noted. But at least she was responding. "N-no. Just …" She shuddered again.

This time, he thought he heard a soft whimper. Something wasn't right here. Where was the self-assured soldier from earlier in the evening? The woman who had beat all odds and survived not only Akuze, but ICT? "Can you try to sit up?" he asked softly, though he wasn't certain why he felt the need to speak in such a way. "Being upright should help you recover a bit more."

Her eyes popped open then, and lying as she was in his arms, he saw the surprise cross her face as she realized the same. "Oh!"

Kaidan offered her a reassuring smile. He also felt himself drawn to such blue eyes. "Hello there," he told her with a smile.

He saw her cheeks darken just a bit, some of the color coming back or just red from embarrassment he wasn't sure, but the color was a good sign. "I … forgive me."

Assisting her up into a seated position, Kaidan flashed her a gentle smirk. "If I must," he found himself teasing. She seemed startled at first, but the moment her lips turned upwards at the corners, he was glad he'd done so. Not only was the smile a sign of recovery, but it also had his insides churning just a bit. "Feeling better?"

She nodded. "A bit, yes," she agreed. However, he noticed that she moved no further.

Adjusting his position, Kaidan seated himself on the ground with his back to the railing so that he was looking at her. He also noted that some of the black curls she'd had up atop her head had come loose and were curling loosely around her cheek. Without thinking, he reached out and brushed them back, tucking them behind her ear. When she shivered in response, he snatched his hand back. "Sorry," he murmured.

Shepard blushed. "I should be apologizing to you, … Lieutenant?" she asked. With each word, though, her voice was growing stronger. Clearly she was feeling better.

"Yes, ma'am. Or, Kaidan, if you prefer. And you've no reason to be apologizing to me," he told her.

"But I've pulled you away from a perfectly good party," she began protesting.

But Kaidan cut her off. "No," he insisted, "I was already out here." At her look of confusion, he lightly tapped his temple with his finger. "Migraine."

"Ah."

"Shepard? What the devil is going on?"

The voice caught Kaidan and Shepard unaware, and both jumped slightly as they were joined by another. Kaidan could tell by Shepard's reaction, though, that she knew him. "Coats," she murmured.

"What the hell happened? Anderson found me and said you'd run off?" Coats moved to assist her to her feet. Kaidan found his own way upwards.

"I'm fine," Shepard insisted. "I just … I needed some air is all." Turning, she reached out to touch Kaidan's arm which kept him from leaving. "Thank you, Lieutenant."

Kaidan nodded. "Yes, ma'am," he replied. "And you're more than welcome. I'm glad I could assist."

Frowning, Coats looked back and forth between them before settling on Kaidan. "Did something happen?"

"I tripped," Shepard told him, her eyes meeting Kaidan's. He thought he could see a small plea there, so he remained silent, simply nodding in affirmation of her explanation. "Over my own two feet. Can you believe it? N7 rated and I can't even walk in heels!" Sighing wearily, she looked up at Coats. "Can we go home now, please?"

"Of course." He glanced one final time over at Kaidan. "Thank you."

Kaidan nodded, a smile tilting his lips. "Happy to help," he replied. But as he watched Coats lead Shepard away, he felt his own smile widen as she chanced one last, quick look back at him, offering him a quick smile, a small wink and mouthing the words, "Thank you," one last time. Then she was gone. And though he could still feel the twinge of the migraine as it continued towards a full blown headache, he found that just for a moment he couldn't really care that much.


	9. Books Written Pages

Upon graduation from N School, Anderson had given Serafina a special gift. How he'd known, she likely would never find out, but that didn't make it any less precious to her. Leather bound and waiting for her to break it in, the journal was a gift that she probably would have refused in her youth. Kaysey had been the twin who preferred keeping a diary. Serafina hadn't had the time or energy or patience to waste on it.

Times, it seemed, had changed.

There was a special inscription on the inside binding, she found upon opening it. Anderson's doing, no doubt. _The past will always be yours, Shepard_, he'd written in his bold style. The words, of course, had been his way of reminding her that despite everything she'd been through, if she wanted to remember it, it would be there for her.

It was time to start tracking new memories, she decided. They began easily enough with her first mission as an N7. A basic recounting of the facts. Location. Parties involved. Those who were lost. Status of mission objective. But with each successive entry, the style shifted. A little bit here, a little bit there. More description of events. More than simple listing of facts. More narrative than basic debrief. Before Serafina realized it, her journal had taken on a style all its own. She might have laughed if she'd realized that she'd become a storyteller in her own right. But, as with most stories, some were easier than others to tell.

_2182, Mindoir_

_They sent me home._

_I suppose that word isn't quite appropriate anymore, though. I haven't lived there in over ten years. My life has … moved on. I have no connection. _

_I'm still uncertain why I was chosen for this mission, even now that it is complete. The colony has rebuilt, has kept the same name as before ... but despite appearances, it isn't the same. It will never be the same again. There are still ghosts, hoary blurred images still visible if you look in the right places, reminders of what once was. Hints at something that had been before. But, no matter what they do to the colony, those will never leave. _

_I learned something about myself on this assignment. When it was first given to me, I wondered if seeing those ghosts (because I knew they would be there) would … I don't know. Handicap me? Keep me from completing my mission? Distract me from the objective? Was this why I was sent? A final test though I graduated months ago? More of a psychological evaluation, perhaps? But why? Do questions still remain even though I've proven myself? "Can she still lead when returning to a place with memories less than ideal?" Or maybe it's an opportunity? A chance to say goodbye? To make peace with the past once and for all? _

_They sent me in to meet up with the Alliance garrison now stationed there. Permanently. Four times as many soldiers than were sent in as a rescue team. A base of operations. I was given a tour, shown the resurrection of the colony. Again, it wasn't the same. No familiar faces. None of the old places. A whole new colony built upon the ashes of the old. Like a phoenix rising …. But unlike the phoenix of mythology, it does not fly free of the ashes, living and thriving once again. It is a pale imitation. An open sore of a wound that will never heal. And yet … it tries._

_After the tour, I spoke with the CO, told her what I could of my mission. She didn't understand, but she was intelligent enough not to get in my way. The stripes on my arm, the N7 on my chest were enough backing for my orders for her. Falling upon the old adage, "It's above my paygrade," she gave me access to any and all supplies I might need before we parted company._

_I took my leave … and that was when the real hunt began. Between the base and my destination, I took a detour. I needed answers while opportunity was there to find them. What I found was … difficult to describe._

_What used to be the old square, where laughter and dancing, a true sense of community gathering in celebration when the attack came, is now beneath a warehouse, hidden away from sight. The family farmstead where I lived the first sixteen years of my life? Now plowed over and buried beneath a field of what looked to be this years crops. My perch, the hiding place that kept me safe for three days until Anderson and his men arrived? A clearing which is now the center of a new, budding farming community. _

_To that point, the faces I saw were familiar, though not my own. Friends. Acquaintances. Neighbors. Uncertain if I wished to face personal ghosts or not, I turned my focus to the mission instead. It was not difficult. I located the coordinates, followed the orders I'd been given, retrieved the device requested without issue. Simple. _

_Almost too simple, I realized too late. Surely any marine unit sent in, even one based on Mindoir, could have done the same without issue. _

_So once again the question becomes, Why me?_

_I can only conclude it was part of some sort of evaluation, but for what I don't know. I don't believe I'm up for promotion again for some time yet. I'm not due for another round of psych evals until then. Well, whatever the reason for it, the mission was accomplished. There should be no doubts to my competence. Should any take issue with it, I will face it head on as I always do._

Of course, there were other sorts of entries interspersed among the mission reports as well. Descriptions of events during the rare opportunities for shore leave. Reminiscences of old friends from training.

_2183, Arcturus Station_

_Had a visit from an old friend today. Coats dropped in. He's currently on his way back to Earth. Seems he got cut new orders and they want him to instruct at the sniper school for a while. Though he seemed happy enough with the assignment, there was still an edge to him. Something that wasn't settling just right. Finally got him to tell me what was going on when we headed out for dinner. I guess he's not liking the idea of being kept Earthside for the foreseeable future. He'd rather be running from mission to mission or serving aboard ship I guess. I could understand that, but I told him he was lucky with his draw. Now he could give hell to all the incoming sniper specialists. Payback for some of what we got dished while there. He thought I should be the one giving the lessons. That's the closest he'll ever come to admitting I'm a better shot than he is, I suppose. Anyway, we had dinner together, a few drinks, played a few rounds of darts for old times sake (he owes me two rounds next time we meet up, just for future reference). All in all a pretty good evening. _

Though not her usual style, the process of documenting her experiences became a habit borne of repetition. Along with that, it gave her an outlet of sorts into, while not quite sharing herself with others, at least a way in which she could deal with the day to day stress of her chosen career. A personal thing, one she rarely allowed others to witness, she still found it a useful release and one, she vowed, to continue throughout her career. Or, at least as long as it proved useful.

* * *

The greatest difference between his current and previous travels throughout the galaxy, Kaidan realized almost immediately after receiving his first deployment orders, was that this time he made it a point to keep in contact with his parents. No longer was he running away from a past, but looking towards a future. One in which he could be proud. That said, like many a marine, when opportunity arose he took the occasional trip home for leave. He promised once a month (at the very least) visits via vid comm whenever possible. (Because honestly? He didn't want to have to deal with his mother the next visit home if she hadn't seen him on a frequent enough basis!) And, of course, there were the written messages back and forth that filled in the time between. Short, long, in between length - all that mattered was that the contact was there. The lines of communication remained, open and intact.

Messages arriving from home usually originated with his mother. Long, descriptive narratives about life at the orchard. Updates on various members of the family, especially cousins of a like age to him who were 'settling down' and providing the family with the next generation of cousins already. As subtle as she was, and as much as Kaidan loved his mother, he had to cringe every time he saw the phrase, _Oh, and by the way, your cousin …_. A recounting of how the orchard had fared during whatever current weather challenges were being thrown their way. All in all, she was his link to the more detailed happenings back home.

On a much less frequent basis, his father would send a note. But unlike Katryn, Mikhail's messages were never more than a few sentences in length and almost always had a specific purpose. Mostly, they were birthday greetings, holiday wishes, a response to a particular inquiry Kaidan had made. Every once in a while, Mikhail would also write about how the orchard was faring. Again, unlike his wife's messages, these were usually comments regarding certain plans that he and Kaidan had discussed previously and he was now putting into motion.

All in all, the messages were Kaidan's link between past and present. A reminder of who he had been, who he was becoming, and in some cases, of a future that had yet to describe itself to him. The replies Kaidan sent to his mother were much more vague when it came to stories of his adventures in service of the Alliance (no sense in worrying her, he figured). Only the rare occasional anecdote of a brief shore leave in one of the colonies or his first encounter with a new species like the turian or volus; something that Katryn might find both interesting (she didn't often have a chance to meet any of the other galactic species) and amusing (he always made whatever adventure he told her about amusing at his own expense, if necessary).

With his father, though, Kaidan knew he didn't have to hide the realities of it. Often times, he didn't even have to go into much detail at all which was good, because there were times and some experiences that Kaidan just didn't feel he could discuss in detail. Even through a less personal, written message. It was in moments like this that Kaidan knew he didn't have to worry. Mikhail Alenko had been there. Had lived it. He _knew_. From experience or association with those who had experienced. He understood how the sudden surge of adrenaline as an alert for an unexpected deployment into a hot zone came blaring out of nowhere across the communications system could make the skin crawl, the breathing hitch and the nightmares become all too real. He had felt the weight of armor and weapons while waiting as patiently as one could for a drop into an unknown and potentially violent battlefield took place. He had been there, returning with limbs shaking in relief after a particular raid for which dread had built upon itself at the thought of a much more disastrous outcome actually ended up more hopeful than had been originally expected.

It was after times like this that Kaidan would reach out to his father, one soldier to another.

_To: Mikhail Alenko_

_From: Alenko, K. LT_

_RE: Checking In_

_I'm sorry it's been so long since the last time I spoke to you both by vid comm, but finding the available time and access while out here in the Traverse isn't always easy. I know you can recall just how bad a tour out here can be, Dad. Thankfully, we've had no major attacks - on us directly or against any of the colonies. But, we have had run ins with small raiding parties, overtaken some larger vessels whose goals seem to have been aimed at supplying 'armies' for larger attacks, and so on. You know how it was. Still is. Intel has improved a lot since that attack on Mindoir so long ago, but we are constantly on alert, ready to go at a moment's notice. We all knew the score when the tour started. There's a reason we get hazardous duty pay tacked on for service out here. And as always, there are rumors flying wildly about hinting at some imminent attack, the 'big one,' another one 'just like Mindoir,' or some such. _

_Do me a favor? Just tell Mom know I'm safe, okay? Remind her, 'No news is good news.' And I promise, when this tour comes to an end in a couple of months, I'll find a way to get back for a visit, no matter how long or short it is. I'll make it up to you both then. _

_Kaidan_

Though living in an age of technological advances usually meant fairly fast response times, Kaidan never worried when he didn't have an immediate reply from his father. Military deep down, he alone probably understood best the inherent _need_ to receive one, but Kaidan also knew that life at the orchard ran along a different sort of clock. Nature did not always cooperate. Schedules conflicted. Timing issues often delayed things, and so it was no surprise for Kaidan that it was as he went off duty on the third day after sending his original message that he received his father's reply.

_To: Alenko, K. LT_

_From: Alenko, M. CPT. (Ret)_

_RE: RE: Checking In_

_Though your mother insists she is not worrying, I did catch her up late of an evening last week, haunting the extranet news sites. Your message was a welcome bit of relief from worry. For us both. We hear so little from that far out these days._

_Quick note: Your mother and I went into Vancouver this past weekend. Ran into David Anderson. Had dinner together, he told us he'd seen you some months back. I think you impressed him, son. He asked for me to pass along his best regards. He also mentioned some big, new project he's being pulled into, but you know how it is. Vague references to half formed rumors. _

_Think you might make it back for the holidays this year? I think your cousin is hoping you'll go to a hockey match with him._

_Dad_

Of course his mother would worry, Kaidan realized. She didn't usually overreact by nature, but she _was_ both wife and mother to military men. Kaidan hated the thought that she worried so much, but what else could he do? He also realized that past actions were, in large part, likely the cause. Those years he'd spent out of contact. Without a word home.

Sighing, Kaidan headed towards his quarters. The ship was due to dock at Arcturus in a weeks' time for a supply run. Maybe he could make arrangements to call home and talk to his parents at that time. Reassure his mother he was alright. He remembered once hearing someone say, "The past is what you make of it." He'd made his fair share of mistakes in his, no doubts there, but it was time to move on. He would deal with the still lingering after effects of his choices as best he could (they were of his own making, after all), but he wouldn't let it hold him back. Not anymore. Not again.


	10. Live and Learn

Staff Lieutenant Serafina Shepard was nothing if not a team player. She proved that every day as a Systems Alliance marine. Like any other soldier, she'd had plenty of reason and opportunity to cut and run during her years; her original term of service was long since completed. God alone knew how she'd found a way and the will to survive at times when others had not. But that was not Shepard's way. Despite events like Akuze, she built a reputation of being reliable, dependable, able to accomplish what others could not. It had been part of what had singled her out for consideration for N7 training in the first place. It was something she had gone on to prove to her superiors over and over again. She was dedicated, loyal, a capable leader who knew how to get the job done. For her, command nestled around her shoulders like one of her grandmother's knit blankets; familiar, comfortable, an acceptable weight and burden.

And yet ...

Some months into her new duties, Shepard's first N7 mission that had seen her operate alone had come as a surprise. The mission had gone to hell from the beginning - a rare occurrence to be sure, but one she'd dealt with in her usual way. In the end, she'd made the command decision to move in, act independently and accomplish the goal after the rest of her team suffered severe losses. Many in Alliance Command had written her off at the time, arguing that such reckless decision making could only result in her death, but Shepard had proved them wrong. Not only had she returned, but she had accomplished the mission objectives in the process.

The change that followed was subtle, but it was one she noticed immediately. In the end, it was one that also worked for her as well as her superiors. There were benefits to working alone; or as an independent unit set apart from the larger team. And Shepard excelled at it. Blending in. Hiding in plain sight. Finding weaknesses of her target and exploiting them to her advantage. Her reputation continued to grow and so did her name.

_Shepard._

Her service record began to read like a travel itinerary. Though the majority of the details ended up redacted, sealed away until such a time that everyone involved was long dead, the list continued growing. Success after success.

However, not all missions went well.

Her arrival in London served a two-fold purpose this time. The first was to debrief with her superiors in person regarding the disaster from which she'd just escaped. One of _those_ missions in which her superiors had relied upon doubtful intelligence and sent her in. She'd been alone, but the mission had been blown even before she'd stepped off that shuttle. And though she'd spent three harrowing days and four nights waiting for an evac that never came, she had found a way to survive. The personal debrief, she knew, was meant as an opportunity for Command to manipulate her, find a way to save their faces at her expense. And though Shepard _was_ loyal and a team player, she'd be damned if she'd take the blame for _this_ snafu. She also discovered that she had some considerably powerful friends supporting her.

The other purpose for her visit was more personal.

_The Queen's Crown_. As public houses went, not too bad, Shepard supposed, though she was far from an expert on them. She was not as familiar with Earth as she probably ought to be. This particular pub was a bit on the smallish side of things, she thought. Or, perhaps, _cozy_ might be a better way to describe it. But it was where she'd been asked to meet, and so here she was. Dressed casually. Seated at the bar. Drink in hand. Watching the remaining minutes of her leave tick idly away one after another after another ...

"Shepard!"

Her eyes lifted first, meeting his in the mirror behind the bar. Smiling softly, Shepard stood and slowly turned around. "Coats," she greeted him a moment later, stepping in to give him a quick hug. "Long time."

His greeting was a bit more enthusiastic. After kissing her cheek, he waved to the bartender for a pint then led her over to one of the booths against the far wall. "Too long," he agreed. "Hope I didn't keep you waiting."

Shepard chuckled while taking her seat. "Nah," she teased. "Kept myself busy watching as one fifth of the remainder of my leave vanished into thin air …."

The lines around his eyes creased as he chuckled. "Such a cheeky thing! I wasn't _that_ late, was I?" He glanced at his watch and she saw the smile turn to a wince. "Right then, maybe I was. Anyway, I thought you said you had leave through tomorrow."

One of the serving girls walked by and left Coats' drink on the table. Lifting her own, Shepard tilted her glass slightly at him. "Cheers," she murmured with a small nod.

"Cheers." He paused and took a long drink. "So?"

Shepard smirked. "My my," she teased, a twinkle of mischief flashing in her eyes, "someone's lost his patience while teaching at sniper school."

"Heh."

There was a dryness to his laugh, but Shepard saw the truth in his eyes. He was finding satisfaction in his work. With a slightly dramatic and long drawn out sigh, she leaned forward and gave in. "If I tell you, you can't say anything. Not yet, anyway." She saw his brow lift as his eyes widened a bit. "Either promise me or you'll be in the dark like everyone else, Coats," she warned sternly.

"That's hardly fair!" he protested before leaning in towards her. Then in a much more subdued tone, "So?"

Shepard chuckled. "I was brought in because the brass wanted to talk to me about my last mission." Coats nodded. She'd already told him what she could about that. "They were all set to let hang me out to dry over this one."

Coats frowned. "That bad?"

She nodded. "That bad. Anyway, turns out, someone higher up has been watching my six the entire time. I just didn't realize it until afterwards." Reaching into a pocket of her jacket, she pulled a small datapad and set it on the table, turning it so he could see it before she pushed it towards him. She gave him a few minutes to read, noted the way his eyes shot up in her direction, then back down just as quickly to read on. Only then did she speak again. "Captain Anderson was there," she murmured. "Pulled me aside when I left. He'd been there throughout, given me his support. Admiral Hackett's. Ambassador Udina's …."

"Udina? Why the politician?" Coats challenged.

Shepard shrugged. "No idea. But whatever the reason, it seemed to work. Blame for the last mission -"

"It wasn't your fault to begin with!"

She chuckled. "You and I both know how it goes," she reminded him. "Officially, no blame was placed anywhere." Shrugging her shoulders, she continued, "This, however," she tapped the edge of the datapad with her index finger, "is what Anderson gave me afterwards."

"I'd heard some rumors," Coats mused quietly before pushing the datapad back across the table. "The turians helping design an Alliance ship and all. Lieutenant Commander, eh? And duty as Anderson's XO?"

She pocketed the datapad and nodded. "So it would seem."

Coats sat back then and, after a moment, turned to signal one of the servers over. "Two more pints," he requested, though his eyes never left Shepard's. "And it's _your_ treat," he told her as the server left.

Shepard rolled her eyes. "How do you figure that?" she challenged. "Last time we were together, I believe we parted ways with you owing me a couple of rounds."

Coats grinned widely. "_I_ didn't just get promoted," he countered as the drinks arrived. A moment later, he raised his glass in salute. "Here's to us," Coats began. "Who's like us?"

Shepard raised her glass in return, completing the toast he'd taught her years before in sniper school. "Damn few. And they're all dead!"

"Right then," Coats continued a moment later. "Tonight's all you've got?" Shepard nodded. "Then we'll send you off in style. Dinner -"

Shepard snorted. "Pub grub, you mean?" she asked. She'd been treated to his idea of 'dinner' several times in the past.

Chuckling, Coats nodded. "Why not? Dinner then darts and then things'll get real interesting …."

Though she was rolling her eyes, Shepard did manage a smile. "Sounds like a hell of a send off to me," she agreed while raising her hand to catch the server's attention. "Just don't blame me when you have a few more rounds you owe me when next our paths cross." By the end of the night, Shepard had to admit, it had indeed been a hell of a send off.

* * *

_Staff Lieutenant_. Kaidan chuckled softly to himself as he finished putting his things away in his locker. The promotion, while not a complete surprise - he _had_ earned it, after all - still had enough of a fresh taste to it that the novelty had yet to wear off. And along with the promotion had come the new duty assignment. One that finally brought him under the command of his father's long-time friend, Captain Anderson.

Kaidan had been on leave when his orders were cut. Visiting his folks back in Vancouver for a couple of days as he'd promised weeks before. This time, they'd remained at the family apartment in the city because his time was to be limited to a few days, but it was better than nothing. Casual afternoons looking out off the balcony, taking in the view of English Bay with his father while drinking a beer. Enjoying his mother's homemade cooking in which she promised him _all_ of his favorite foods. Relating different 'adventures' from his service in the Traverse to both parents while trying to minimize the danger that had been involved. Good times.

The day before Kaidan was scheduled to leave, Captain Anderson had shown up at the door. Though unexpected, his arrival was welcomed and Kaidan watched his father greeting his old friends. But even as he did so, Anderson's eyes met Kaidan's with a look that said, _I'm here for you not them._ By the time dinner was on the table, they were all celebrating Kaidan's promotion. Two days later, Kaidan was hopping aboard a shuttle in Vancouver and that would transport him to his new duty assignment: the _Normandy_.

Kaidan's first impression of the ship was one of pure amazement and awe. Beautiful and sleek in design, an interesting mix of turian and human structural engineering, he found it to be much easier to get used to than he first imagined. After arrival, as they waited on the rest of the crew to report, Kaidan took it upon himself to explore the ship in detail. First stop: Engineering. Kaidan greeted Chief Engineer Adams and was not surprised when he ended up spending a goodly amount of time with the man discussing the new drive core in detail. A 'marvel of engineering' to be sure, Kaidan found himself promising the chief engineer that he would return to discuss it further at some point in the future. All in all, a promising start to this new assignment.

After a quick exploration of the garage area, a discussion with the quartermaster as to what weaponry and armor would be made available, Kaidan eventually worked his way up through the ship and to the cockpit. Though he hadn't met the man before, Kaidan had heard about Flight Lieutenant Jeff "Joker" Moreau and how he'd been chosen as the _Normandy_'s pilot. In an attempt to find out more about the person, Kaidan took some time to get to know the man. In the process, he learned a few things from the wisecracking pilot that he felt might come in handy later … one of which was to never get caught assisting the pilot with 'fine tuning adjustments.'

"How did I let you talk me into this again?" Kaidan muttered as he lowered himself to slide beneath the console.

"Because you know I'm right," Joker countered from his seat. "And because I'm the best damned pilot in the Alliance. It's a call I can make - I'm _entitled_ to make."

Kaidan sighed. "Arrogant much?" he countered.

"It's not arrogance if it's truth, Alenko," Joker returned. A light on his console began flashing red. "Not that one," he added. The flashing stopped for a moment, shifting to a different location when it began again, still in red. "Okay, that's it."

Kaidan used his omni-tool to fiddle with the adjustment Joker had requested.

"Besides," Joker continued as if he'd never even been interrupted, "I know this ship."

"So you've said," Kaidan returned mildly. "How's that?"

Joker lifted himself partly out of his seat and leaned forward to read the monitor. "Another three degrees," he interjected. After another minute, the pilot nodded. "Yeah, that's good." This time the flashing light was green.

"Hot wiring the ship before we even leave port, Flight Lieutenant?"

Both men froze in place; Joker half in/half out of his pilot's seat, Kaidan still partially hidden beneath the console the sight of his extended legs the only indication that anyone was there, as the new voice joined in the conversation. "Uh … no, ma'am," Joker stammered as he landed awkwardly in his seat and turned to face her. "I mean, yes, ma'am," he corrected himself while hissing a soft curse beneath his breath, his hand rising in salute. "Err, Commander. Ma'am."

Kaidan groaned softly as he finished extricating himself from the wires and paneling beneath the console. Rising to his feet, he was already saluting as he turned to face …. "The fault is mine, Command-..." Kaidan's eyes widened in recognition as his eyes met hers. Though her coal colored tresses were twisted up into what looked like a complicated yet no-nonsense knot on the top of her head, it was difficult not to recognize her even after several years. Her eyes, the cerulean blue that he remembered all too clearly, were sharp and focused on him. "Commander Shepard?"

She nodded, but Kaidan noted that there was no indication of any returned recognition in her look. Quickly, sharply returning the salute, she told them, "At ease. What's going on up here?"

Joker and Kaidan exchanged a quick glance. "I asked the Staff Lieutenant to help me modify some of the settings," Joker explained. "Just … minor stuff, Commander. Nothing to worry about. Certainly not part of the major systems. I-"

Shepard's brow lifted in question. "Lieutenant," she reminded the pilot quietly, "I am fully aware of the circumstances behind your being made pilot of the _Normandy_."

Joker swallowed the rest of what he had been trying to say. Though no official warning had been spoken, he heard it all too clearly in the tone of voice. Shit. They'd landed a 'by the books' kind of XO.

Kaidan, recovering from his momentary surprise at Shepard's arrival, noticed that she was standing there, dressed in uniform but with the strap of a duffle bag over one shoulder. She'd just boarded the ship. Perhaps he could defuse the situation quickly. "Ma'am, if you're looking for Captain Anderson, he's in his quarters. I can show you the way if you like?" he offered.

Shepard turned to face him and nodded. "Please." Turning away, she exited the bridge before Kaidan.

Kaidan glanced over at Joker before he departed, noting the pilot was looking a bit green around the gills. "Relax," he said quietly as he turned away. "I've got this." It was the least he could do, right? After all, he'd willingly gone along with Joker's request.

"Relax, he says," Joker muttered before turning his seat back around to face the control console and slouching back into it feeling like a big pool of jelly. "Easy for you to say."

Kaidan moved to the Commander's side and briskly led the way through the interior of the ship. Though only about half-staffed at the moment, there was an air of 'down to business' about the place. Last minute checks on systems, arriving crew members locating their duty stations, that sort of thing. They walked by the galaxy map - to Kaidan's way of thinking, one of the more beautiful as well as technologically brilliant systems of the new design - and he was still struggling to find something to say, even going so far as to consider bringing up the weather, of all things. However, before he could settle on one topic of discussion, she spoke instead. "It's been a long time, Lieutenant."

He glanced over, surprised, and met her gaze while noting the friendly smile she wore. So she _did_ remember. Smiling back in return, he opened the door leading down to the next deck and replied, "It has indeed, Commander."

"Staff Lieutenant?"

He nodded. "Yes, ma'am," he acknowledged quickly. "And we're ready to go, too."

Shepard chuckled at his enthusiasm. "No doubt," she agreed.

They came to a halt shortly thereafter, and Kaidan gestured towards the door in front of them. "That's the Captain's quarters."

Shepard adjusted the strap at her shoulder as she nodded. Taking this as a sign of dismissal, Kaidan was just turning away when he heard her call after him, "Kaidan … thank you."

She slipped through the door a moment later, just before Kaidan could glance back to look at her, but even so, he had a bit of a smile on his face as he walked away towards his duty station. She remembered him, his name even. That was a start. Certainly a foundation for a good working relationship, right? All in all, a step in the right direction. This tour was looking up already ….


	11. Fools and Sages

It was his fault.

Kaidan could admit it - _would _admit it - when she woke up and rejoined the living aboard the _Normandy_. But until that happened, he was finding it difficult to do much of anything but relieve that one moment in time.

Had it been idle curiosity that had caused him to throw caution to the wind and step towards the beacon, somehow triggering it into an active state? An ingrained curiosity about tech - human, alien, even ancient alien in nature - that had haunted him from youth and ultimately guided him to his current classification as sentinel?

The Prothean beacon had been their mission objective, of that there was no doubt. Was it because of that he'd stepped forward? Duty first. By the regs. Even when missions went to hell in a handbasket, when parameters changed but the objective remained the same. The loss of Jenkins and the acquisition of Williams had had little to do with that. Kaidan had always been the one to see the goal, to remain focused enough to achieve it. But, after this ….

Maybe it had been that incessant, low droning hum of the beacon. The type that rattled the teeth in their sockets, triggered the worst migraines; the type that Kaidan seemed to be overly sensitive to ever since receiving his L2 implant at age sixteen. Williams certainly didn't seem to have been affected adversely by it. Neither had Shepard. Not until she'd moved to throw him out of the beacon's range.

Guilt was a powerful thing. He felt like a fool of epic proportion for what had happened. Had he been paying more attention, it likely would never have occurred. Distraction was the best excuse he could come up with for a reason why. A distraction by the name of Shepard.

Since their evacuation of Eden Prime and return to the _Normandy_, Kaidan had attempted to lose himself in the necessities of duty. Writing reports as well as condolences. Recommendations for Captain Anderson as to why they should keep Chief Williams aboard ship, especially after the loss of Jenkins. Cleaning and mending his armor. Thorough examination and cleaning of his weaponry. He'd even found a brief moment to speak with Williams, show her to the armory workstation next to crew lockers and get her assigned to one. Only once all this was completed did he return to the med bay where he took a seat off to the side, out of the way of Dr. Chakwas. Waiting. Watching. Hoping and praying. He'd lost count how much time passed, but he did notice that the doctor didn't seem overly concerned or worried. That was good, right?

In the end, he was the first to notice the change. Hearing a soft sound, barely noticeable beneath the hum of the ship's engines and the equipment in the med bay, Kaidan ventured over to find Shepard's eyes beginning to flutter open. "Doctor Chakwas," he called over his shoulder, "she's waking up."

Kaidan stepped back as the doctor moved in to run a quick scan. Eyes upon Shepard as she moved, the doctor noted even the vaguest hint of hesitation as the Commander sat up. She seemed only a little shaky as she shifted, but at least she was moving. Breathing. Talking. The headache she mentioned Kaidan could commiserate with her about later, but for now he simply felt relief washing over and through him. Relief that she appeared to be alright. That she didn't seem to be suffering any ill effects from the beacon save the headache. That she apparently didn't blame him for what had happened planetside.

"I'll go notify Captain Anderson," the doctor murmured as she stepped away. "Lieutenant, would you stay with the Commander, please? Wouldn't want her having a dizzy spell and falling over now, would we?"

Kaidan stepped forward. "Of course," he promised, though his eyes were on Shepard's and not the doctor.

Once the doctor was on the far side of the room and Kaidan felt secure enough that she would not overhear the conversation, he said quietly, "Commander, I want to apologize for -"

"Lieutenant," she rasped, "don't." When she began struggling to adjust her position on the bed, he offered her his hand and assisted. After clearing her throat, rubbing at her right temple and then turning so her legs were hanging over the side of the bed, she added in a stronger voice, "You had no way of knowing what would happen." Groaning softly, she ran her hand over her face for a moment. "What the hell happened down there?" she asked.

"The beacon seemed to … capture you," Kaidan explained. "It held you in some sort of stasis before releasing you after which it exploded. Probably a system overload of some sort."

Shepard's hand lowered and she lifted her eyes to meet his. He saw the soft smile tilting at her lips then. "It had one hell of a kick," she informed him. Kaidan found he couldn't resist a chuckle. "How long was I out?"

He glanced at his omni-tool. "Fifteen hours, give or take. The doctor said you had increased rapid eye movement. Like you were experiencing intense dreaming."

He saw her eyes close, though he noticed a small shudder shake through her shoulders as she sat very still for a long moment. "Yeah. I … I'm not sure what I saw," she told him, her voice more hushed than before. "It was … death. Destruction. I just …."

Her voice trailed off and he saw her eyes furrowing as if she was trying to pinpoint something she was seeing. Reaching out, he took her hand and squeezed it once before releasing it. "Hey, doc says you'll be fine," he reminded her quietly. "Whatever it was, it'll come back to you. Maybe you just need some time to process it."

Shepard nodded and found a small smile again as her eyes opened again. "Yeah. Maybe." He watched her straighten some then before asking, "And you? Are you alright? Williams?"

Kaidan nodded. "We're both fine. She helped me get you back to the ship. Like I said, the beacon exploded and was destroyed, so there wasn't really anything left to bring. We're on our way to the Citadel right now."

The whoosh of the opening door on the far side of the med bay had both Kaidan and Shepard glancing in that direction. It also had them both straightening to attention as Captain Anderson approached. "How's our XO holding up, doctor?" he asked.

Dr. Chakwas had followed the captain over. "All her readings are normal. I'd say the Commander is going to be fine."

"Glad to hear it," Anderson replied. He then gave Kaidan a rather pointed look while adding, "I need to speak with the Commander … in private."

Nodding his understanding, Kaidan saluted before turning to leave.

"Lieutenant?"

Kaidan paused as Shepard called to him. Glancing back over his shoulder, he asked, "Yes, ma'am?"

"Thank you."

Kaidan nodded once then turned and left. But at least now he'd be able to focus on his duty assignment without the added hint of concern lacing it.

* * *

Having Williams as a part of her ground team was proving to be an interesting experience, Shepard thought. On Eden Prime, the Commander had noted the younger woman's rather quirky sense of humor in the face of adversity. Shepard had been willing to overlook it at the time because Williams had kept her head and held it together. Having gone through a similar experience of her own, Shepard believed she could relate to what the Chief might be going through.

But once they arrived at the Citadel, Shepard became witness to another side of Williams. The dry wit. The easy, if somewhat borderline on over familiarity with her superiors, repartee; Shepard immediately recognized it as what it was: another side of the same coin. In a way, Shepard found it comforting - memories of a childhood long past flickered in the back of her mind - and was definitely recognizable as something that one might expect between siblings. But they weren't siblings, and that was the one unavoidable factor. Both Shepard and Kaidan were superior officers. Though Williams was still learning to cope with her losses on Eden Prime (no matter what the woman said, Shepard could still see the haunted look behind her eyes; she also knew it would remain for some time to come), the chain of command had to be maintained. With that in mind, Shepard made a mental note to discuss this further with the Chief - in private - once they were back aboard ship.

Of course, that had been before. Other warning signals began to flare when they met and recruited Wrex … Garrus … Tali. Though she said nothing to Williams at the time, Shepard was observant. Words and phrasing had meanings beyond the simplest of interpretations. Phrasing. Tone. Combine that with body language and, well …. But events had happened so fast - meeting Wrex, finding Garus and saving Dr. Michel, tracking down Fist and then Tali ... even now, hours removed from the events, Shepard still felt her head spinning, and that had nothing to do with her newly acquired Spectre status.

Shepard was a master at hiding her true feelings, but still, it must have shown. Somehow. The realization came, surprisingly, as she exited her cabin and heard a familiar voice nearby call out, "Commander?"

Turning, Shepard faced Kaidan as he stepped away from his workstation, moving in her direction. "At ease, Lieutenant," she murmured while stepping over to speak with him. She had to bite back a smile. He was standing there, before her, at full attention. So ramrod straight that it seemed like he might just snap in two if he wasn't careful. If there was nothing else she had picked up from him in the short time they'd known each other, it was that he played things by the book. But they were alone in the mess, so she felt comfortable enough relaxing the regs for now.

Kaidan nodded at her words and Shepard nearly sighed in relief to see him settling into parade rest. "Can I have a moment of your time, ma'am?" he asked.

Shepard pulled her lower lip between her teeth as she nodded. She could feel the quirky side of her nature trying to peek through, though it came as a surprise to her as one of the last times she'd felt comfortable enough to allow anyone to see this side of her had been in the days before the attack on Mindoir. "I try to make time for all of my officers," she replied. "Just … do me a favor? Don't call me ma'am, okay?" She gave him a quick, conspiratorial wink. "Makes me feel old!"

He chuckled softly and Shepard noted that his shoulders seemed to ease just a bit more. _Good_. "So," she continued, "what can I do for you, Kaidan?"

"Actually, Shepard," he admitted, "I was going to ask you something along those same lines."

Shepard winced almost instantly. "That bad, huh?" she asked, abashed.

Kaidan smiled, nothing but reassurance and concern present. "Not too badly," he replied. "Then again, I know how to recognize the signs."

Lips quirking upwards, Shepard chuckled for a moment in silent acknowledgement of his words. Only then did she briefly explain to him the things she'd noticed earlier that day when she, he and Williams had been running their missions aboard the Citadel. More specifically, once they'd recruited their new teammates. "I'm not saying there is a problem. It could just be my imagination, I suppose," she pointed out immediately. "What I _AM_ saying is that if there is an issue, I want it resolved before it becomes a larger, more problematic one." Especially since they were now on their way to Therum to find the asari, Dr. T'Soni, and convince her to join their cause.

Kaidan was silent for a time, but Shepard saw that he was considering her words carefully. It was only after he darted a quick look over at her, one that hinted he had something to say but was concerned with protocol that she quickly put him at ease. "Permission to speak freely," she assured him.

"Well, ma'-"

Shepard gave him a quick, hard look.

Kaidan ducked his head for a moment, but when he lifted it again, his features were well schooled and he tried again. "Shepard. Perhaps you're looking at this the wrong way."

Shepard blinked. "Oh? How do you figure?" she asked, not certain what he was driving at.

"Well … technically, as Staff Lieutenant, I am Williams' immediate superior officer, right? Why not let me speak with her first?" he asked.

She opened her mouth to protest, even took a deep breath to begin, but in the end his words caused her to blink. Again. Releasing her breath, her eyes closed for a long moment as she simply shook her head back and forth. He was right.

"As both Captain of the _Normandy_, and as Council Spectre, you have other duties that require your more immediate attention," he continued reasonably. "And, I would be happy to assist in this instance."

Shepard met his gaze and eyed him for a long moment. She thought she could see something more behind his eyes, something … assessing? Testing? She wasn't quite certain. "I …." The way his eyebrow rose in silent challenge had her hesitating in her reply.

"If there is a greater issue involving the Chief that requires your attention," he promised, "I will bring it to your attention immediately."

Shepard chewed her lip a bit more, for altogether different reasons this time, then nodded as she sighed softly. "Alright," she agreed, though reluctance was clear in her tone.

Kaidan smirked softly. "Not used to delegating, are you, Commander?" he asked quietly.

Shepard felt her cheeks heat at the gentle accusation. "Oh, it isn't that," she hastily protested. "It's more … well …. Shit!" She could hear him chuckling softly as she cursed, her eyes closing for a long moment as embarrassment staked its claim yet again. "This is going to sound ridiculous!" she muttered.

"Maybe," he agreed though there was no hint of laughter in his tone. "But then again, maybe you need to say it aloud to remind yourself of the lesson you clearly know but seem unwilling to follow?"

Shepard narrowed her eyes on him for a long, thoughtful moment. "Battlefield psychology, Lieutenant?"

He grinned, straight white teeth gleaming as if supporting his right to amusement. "I prefer philosophy, myself," he countered easily.

Shepard's lips finally broke into a smile. _Oh, what the hell. He caught me, he wins._ "Tomato, tomahto," she retorted. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "What I was going to say was that, for the past several years, I've gotten used to being a one person team." Then she shrugged. "I'm not so much a micromanager as I am just used to _having_ to do it all myself."

Kaidan's smile was warm and genuine. "About time you got used to having a support team at your six then, wouldn't you say?"

Shepard nodded. "Point taken," she returned by way of agreement. "Alright then, you talk with her then let me know."

Shepard thought she saw another smirk flicker across his lips as he moved back into a more formal stance and saluted her. "Aye aye, Commander."

He departed before Shepard even had time to finish her return salute. An interesting turn of events, she now discovered that she had time before their arrival on Therum to go over the latest intelligence reports that the Council had sent her way as they were departing the Citadel. _If it's not one thing, it's another_, she mused before turning to duck back inside her cabin once again.


End file.
